She Knows!

It was quite inconvenient for baby to be fussy last Thursday. I wished to get a good night's sleep before my Bodypump weightlifting but baby kept waking up frequently the entire morning and spent half the day in my arms. The next day I had plans to go out pubbing for a little while and the same happened - baby kept waking up often and was quite hard to please during the day. She was perfectly happy sleeping on my shoulder but the moment I put her down, she woke up and started sobbing. I picked her up and she fell asleep in seconds. I thought it was kinda cute for her to be so quickly soothed by physical contact from me. She didn't cry much. All I had to do was to pick her up and she immediately felt better.

I slept well during the weekend and I was looking forward to having lots of energy for my Monday Bodycombat but the same happened. Baby woke up unusually frequently and needed a lot of affection. I was carrying her around for the entire day and ended up feeling exhausted before my evening of Bodycombat even started. Better luck on Thursday, I thought. But then Thursday came and it was the same! I spent the day with one shoulder "occupied". It was more than just chance - it was clear she knows exactly when I have plans to go out in the evening! So does that make her psychic? Hardly. It just means she's amazingly perceptive for her age. She has figured out that when I pump milk, she's the one who will be drinking it later!

It's not very realistic to pump 2 meals worth of milk while the baby is already eating a full meal. Hence, I start pumping during the night. The baby sees or hears it and gets really clingy right after. That's why the odd behavior starts during the night. Fortunately she doesn't have any reaction to me leaving the apartment so I guess she hasn't yet realized the significance of me exiting through the front door in my outdoor shoes and saying "Bye". She also doesn't have any reaction to me not being around when she gets hungry and she's perfectly okay when someone feeds her from a bottle. She doesn't even seem to act differently when I've been gone for 3 hours straight. Her odd behaviour continues when I return home.

I walk in the door and the moment my baby sees me she's really happy. No matter when she had her last meal, she always asks for food soon after I arrive. I feed her and then I know she noticed I was gone because she eats differently. One time she was pouting and avoiding eye contact! Another time she gave me a long frowning stare. Yet another time she was overjoyed and kept playing and making me smile at her, which was unusual after a very long day of clingy unhappy baby. Remember, I'm not talking about a toddler who knows exactly how to show different emotions. I'm talking about a two and a half month old baby who only recently learned to show any facial expressions deliberately. Whatever her exact behavior after my return may be, she wants me to confirm that I haven't abandoned her. I spend the evening being especially affectionate toward her and she is especially eager to receive that affection.

I hope she'll soon understand that whenever I leave for a while I'll come back soon enough. And as long as baby doesn't cry non-stop while I'm gone the joy of exercising is worth the trouble of making baby worry. I'm simply going to have to get used to the baby being attached to me until I go to the sports club and I have to be prepared to make up for the away-time after I'm back.

Super Babies

I have been under the impression that my baby is growing really fast. Growth was discussed in the forum that I haven't been reading (in theory) and apparently babies actually grow up to 11 cm (average is 2 cm) and up to 1900g per month (average is 750g). By the end of 2nd month they are all as big as an average 6-month old. All the babies are properly potty-trained long before their second birthday. They are also way above average at crawling and making their first steps. It's a contest and every mother is eager to win.

Yet it makes me wonder whose babies are average? Where do they live? Why don't their mothers have Internet or why don't their mothers visit that forum. Well apparently no one enters their kid in a contests where they won't win. I'm afraid I already lost the physical development contest before it even started. Siiri is growing so fast in size that her muscles have a hard time keeping up. A week ago she was no longer able to hold up her head up in stomach position and she was too lazy to try. After much encouraged exercise she lifted (and held) her head again but that's the bare minimum as far as development norms are concerned. In two weeks she's supposed to lift her chest as well and I'm doubtful she'll make it in time. But this just means I won't mention her in any thread about lifting head or chest.

For a little while I was actually somewhat sad that Siiri didn't win the growth contest with her 1,3kg and 4cm in the first month. There was only one child who grew as "slowly" as Siiri, all the rest of them were way ahead. I was sad only until I realized that there is something seriously wrong with a baby who grows 11 cm in one month! And a baby who gains almost 2kg in a month must be seriously FAT. Aren't I glad that Siiri is in the upper limit of normal. She's so cute and normal-shaped.


So she lost the growth contest and athletics challenge. At her age, what else is there? Well there's the sleeping contest. She does sleep quite well, but many babies sleep through the night after only one month. There is also eating contest, but curiously that one works the opposite way - the worst eater wins. There are babies out there who literally need to be nursed against their will. Most of Siiri's meals are very peaceful and effortless so she's definitely not among the worst eaters.

Perhaps I should just wait a little. I don't really care if she's the first to walk, I want her to be the first to TALK! Me and Erkki are really trying to talk to her as often as possible. I hope in a few months she'll be able to vocalize "diaper" and "food". She would be able to say a primitive version of those words within a week but she won't understand them any time soon so I won't teach those words yet. She already repeats about 2-3 words as a communication game that we play. She loves saying "Erkki" and giggling when we cheer for her. Well actually she says Eccchi or achi or cccchi, but for a 2-month old baby it's close enough to count as a word. I taught her to say mommy (in Estonian of course) but curiously she only says it when she wants either food or a diaper changed. Perhaps she does already understand the word!

But really Erkki was right when he said that what really matters is Siiri 20 years from now. Knowing how to crawl, walk or talk won't get her very far in life. And I'm sure she wouldn't be very happy if she was still gaining 1 kg per month 20 years from now...

Spooked

There are no ghosts! There are no demons, no spirits watching over us, there are no poltergeists, there are no guardian angels following us around and there are no Devil's Little Helpers creeping in our shadows! Everyone knows that and it would be silly to believe otherwise. Yet I wish someone reminded me of that when I'm home alone with a 2-month old baby and she is staring at SOMEONE ELSE! Pretty spooky!

But what if something or someone is there. Maybe my kid sees something that I don't see. It's actually commonly believed that little children see things us grown-ups don't see. They see ghosts, auras and they see their guardian angels. This belief never adds, "if those even exist". Okay, I shouldn't even be mentioning that sort of stuff. I can just imagine some of my friends smirking when reading this. Even I myself think this sort of thoughts just don't go with my science profession. Kinda makes me want to pretend like I only believe in things that can be scientifically believed. Really a big part of science is also a matter of belief. I'm sure anything could be proven if someone wants to but it also has to make sense. I'm convinced it used to be scientifically proven that Sun revolves around Earth and believing otherwise was considered silly and outrageous. Maybe it's the same with ghosts and auras.

I sometimes try to decide if God exists. I take a moment to objectively weigh all the data that I know. I try to imagine a world with and without God, angels and afterlife. It seems that if there is God then there is also all the rest of the stuff - Heaven, Hell, angels, devil. But this doesn't include ghosts. There were no ghosts in the Bible except for the evil spirit and the spiritual form of God (part of the Holy Trinity). I can't really imagine Jesus walking into a building to have a chat with Casper the Ghost, but I can imagine him walking in there saying, "something is not right here" and then shouting, "begone evil spirit!!!". Actually even if there is God then Bible could be wrong about angels and devil. There could be ONLY God without any of the other stuff. Or maybe there really is only -you know- people and animals and buildings and rocks... Some things that we don't see do exist but those are called bacteria and magnetic fields and gravity... I have pondered about it a lot throughout my life. The end result is usually the same: I decide I should stop theorizing if God exists because God might mind.

But if there were ghosts then little children could see them. If you google it you'll find countless stories about little children talking to dead relatives, former inhabitants of the building and other ghosts. One dark night Siiri was completely captivated by something right behind me. She just couldn't take her eyes away. And then without warning she started to cry. Well maybe she was just in a surprise-bad-mood but I definitely got a chill down my spine. Another time she was lying in her crib and looking at the ceiling. When I walked in she gave me a glimpse and continued to stare at the ceiling. I smiled and noticed that sunlight created a simple pattern on the white ceiling. But then Siiri started to make faces to this "pattern" and became quite uneasy. I told myself, "she's only looking at the ceiling" but I still took her out of the crib away from that ceiling.

I just got a really creepy thought. You know little babies often stop breathing without warning? What if SOMEONE makes them stop breathing?! And did you know that babies who have colic usually cry at the same time of the evening every day - and that time is often referred to as newborn witching hour. From Wikipedia, "In European folklore, the witching hour is the time when supernatural creatures such as witches, demons and ghosts are thought to be at their most powerful, and black magic at its most effective.". So what or WHO really makes those babies cry? I don't know about you but I'm certainly going to feel uneasy around babies with colic, especially during witching hour. Uneasy not only because they are crying very loudly for a very long time.

And auras - what do auras have to do with anything?! Well babies see them. Babies can barely focus their eyes and their eyes don't even cooperate to start with but according to The Wise Internet babies see auras. I'm not exactly sure if auras exist (here we go again with the what's real and what's not) but I do know that most people have a vibe - some people have a good vibe, some have an energetic vibe. With some people you can just feel their presence. Some people, so-called energy vampires, drain their surroundings. I don't know if this vibe is simply how I perceive people or maybe I subconsciously sense their pheromones. So perhaps some people's brains can translate those vibes into colors. That's definitely more scientific-sounding than ghosts scaring little children. In that sense I do believe little children see auras, or at least they sense who is aggressive and who is friendly.

Ah, as silly as it sounds, I actually like the thought that when babies stare at air they are seeing the supernatural that we are trained by society not to see. It adds mystery to the world. I like that thought until Siiri does that and I get a chill and repeat to myself, "There are no ghosts. There are no ghosts. There are NO GHOSTS."

Internet Trap

Hello, my name is Kristiina and I'm a forum addict!
Lately I have been spending way too much time in a specific family-themed forum (perekool.ee). Whenever I have a spare moment I sit at my computer and see if anyone has posted. It's ridiculous really. Usually I read forums to learn new things from people who know cool stuff. But with this forum I don't even think most of the people there are smart. Or actually, there are many smart stupid people there. Those are the people who are knowledgeable but have a stupid view about the topic. Or they have just got their knowledge from an unreliable source.

One of the common things in that forum: whenever someone complains of a baby crying (before nursing, during nursing, after nursing, in the mornings, noons or evening) it's always because of gas pain. It's the gold answer to all baby problems: every time a baby cries, she has gas pain. Reminds me of "Every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings." Mhhh... with the risk of getting awfully sidetracked here, have you ever considered why the angel is a "he". Most angels are female, everyone knows that. Or maybe it's a 1950ies thing. If the movie It's a Wonderful Life had been released in the modern times, would the angel be a "she" to please the feminist viewers? And I suppose that before the bell rings the angel would be aerodynamically challenged.

That family-themed forum rarely has new information in it. And if there's something I haven't heard elsewhere I get very suspicious of the quality of this information. I think I read this forum more for the gossip than for information. Like there was this woman who was unexpectedly pregnant but her husband had said he doesn't want a third child. The family isn't wealthy, so now she was contemplating abortion. I am pro-choice in theory but since she was already asking for advice she was clearly having doubts about the abortion so in my opinion she should have the kid. Surprisingly, many people were supporting the abortion plan, which made me realize how harshly realistic Estonians really are. Somehow it was pleasant to see that Estonians don't have a strong happy humane view about abortion. The next day she posted that she talked it over with her husband and they are having this baby. Yay for the baby... There's never this kind of real time reality soap on TV.

Oddly, I trust my doctor about as much as an average forum post there. I was in the doctor's office again last Friday and I asked about the red spots on baby's face and neck. I figured it was just a reaction from milk spit-up on her delicate skin but decided to ask just in case. The doctor looked at it and said, "It's probably an allergy. What do you eat?", I said I eat everything that I normally would eat. She got more specific, "Do you eat chocolate?" -"yes" -"Stop eating that. Do you eat strawberries?" -"Yes" -"Stop eating those.". I decided to lie to her and nodded. I didn't want to argue with her but I think my baby isn't allergic to either. I think it's odd she didn't ask, "do you eat broccoli? Do you eat carrots?". Maybe my kid is allergic to healthy stuff or any other one of the hundreds of possible foods that might cause allergy. I see no reason for her to pinpoint tasty chocolate and strawberries. Besides, the doctor chose not to comment why my kid got this strawberry/chocolate allergy ONLY in the areas where skin has contact with milk spit-up. Advertising such superstitions to new mothers makes her as smart stupid as an average forum poster.

I know it's not New Year but it's time to make a New Year's resolution to stop wasting my time in that forum. I should spend my time in much better ways like watching TV, playing Sims 3, and writing blog posts more often.

Baby Update: At her 2-month visit she was 5770g (gained 1050g) and 58cm (grew 4cm). The nurse said she looks like a completely different baby - lively and energetic. In hindsight, during my previous visit, the baby was unusually tired, grumpy and uncooperative, which is why the nurse immediately thought this case needs extra attention and was eager to find the cause for the baby being so uncommunicative. Although this time baby refused to lift her head in stomach position she still got much more positive feedback from the nurse and the doctor.

Healthy Aggression

Six weeks is the official post-partum time when body is going through major changes and is still recovering. It's then obvious to say that after six weeks the body has recovered and among other things, is in it's pre-pregnancy weight! I gained 15 kg during pregnancy and when I got home from the hospital I had lost about 8 kg. Right after birth I looked like I was 6 months pregnant and then my body started to shrink within days! For a couple of weeks I saw really big changes. My bellybutton turned back inward and the tummy wobble got waaaay less scary. And then it all stopped. My weight fluctuated between 4-6 extra kg. When the magical six weeks had ended and my weight was supposed to be magically back to normal, I still couldn't fit into the clothing I wore at 4 months pregnant and I was not happy about it.

So I did what every self-respecting woman would do in this situation - I moped and whined! I sorted through my clothing, "And I can't fit into this one either! And this one, and this one...". Every time I passed the mirror, I let out a heavy sigh. Every time I drank water I tried to find consolation in the thought that my body will probably use some energy when it consumes each molecule of water. But then I remembered I already use 500 kcal per day just by breastfeeding and I'm still not losing weight. It must mean I eat horrible amounts of food and I should start to limit my menu, perhaps by giving up everything that makes eating worth the effort. Erkki tried to make me feel better with compliments and it did make me feel better, but I still knew I weigh too much.

I eat less now than I did during pregnancy, but I also move a lot less. Before pregnancy and even during pregnancy I walked over an hour each day. Now I occasionally just have brief walks with the baby in carrier. Breastfeeding isn't enough to make up for the difference. Perhaps this is why so many women can't lose weight after giving birth even if they breastfeed. The obvious solution is to start working out again, but there's one problem with that - the closest decent gym is DAMN FAR AWAY! It takes 30 minutes of brisk walk just to go there and almost 40 minutes of tired walking to get back home. Another reason to whine and mope.

After about three days of moping I had finally gathered enough resolve to really take up exercising. As you can see the moping was all part of the BIG PLAN! It's really hard to take up sports after a long pause but if I visualize the reasons for sporting very well then it seems like it's worth the effort. The plan didn't really include being less fun around the house but I had to overreact to the situation to feel motivated. And then I made arrangements to exercise twice a week! There were two classes that I liked so I started going to both.

My first choice of sports was Bodypump - it's like an aerobics class but in stead of dancing people stand there and lift weights together. That's like man aerobics, except it's not aerobic exercises. The room is still mostly full of women but two or three men is more than I've seen in any aerobics class. It seemed almost everyone was taking it easy because I used the same weights as most women there and I managed to keep up almost until the end. Instructor occasionally advised me to use lighter weights but I really didn't want to! One of the hardest exercises was lifting weights to the side with straight arms. I used to do this exercise in the gym with 6 kg weights and now I used 1,5 kg. Using even smaller dumbbells seemed like a joke. In hindsight maybe he was right... I have been aching all over for about a week now. I have no regrets though - NO PAIN NO GAIN, right?

The second choice was Bodycombat. That's just so perfect. It's like stress relief class and anger management class all in one. Not that I'd REALLY need either of those but it's good for prevention! In bodycombat they play cool energetic music with strong beat and people all together punch and kick the air! Instructor encourages, "kick!!! KICK! Stronger! Faster!!". My roundhouse kick would make Chuck Norris laugh and my kung fu hits would make any old Chinese man with long white moustache shake his head but I walk out like a new person. It seems that being aggressive in controlled environment can really boost the spirit.

This is the third week of exercising now and my muscles are really feeling it. I haven't weighed myself because I don't expect weight to start dropping so soon and I don't want to discourage myself by knowing this for sure. But I'm quite proud of myself for exercising. Yay! Go me!

Raising Martians

Did you know that the recommended baby room temperature is 16 to 20 degrees Celsius. For people using other scales, that's damn cold to not quite warm enough. For a while I didn't realize why little children are tortured with this inhumane temperature range but then I figured it out: BABIES ARE NOT HUMAN!

Humans prefer to live within their comfort zone - nice temperature, nice food and comfortable clothing. Babies need to be kept at low temperature, fed bland food and dressed in fluffy clothing with buttons on their backs. Humans can sleep in whatever position they feel like. Babies have to sleep on their backs or on their side. And it's not "either on the back or on the side", it just really depends which country you live in. As a biologist it makes me want to divide babies into two subspecies: side-sleepers and back-sleepers.

For the first months of their existence, babies are allowed to eat and drink only milk. This is proof of BABY EVOLUTION as newborn babies used to need extra water, chamomile tea and fruit puree. Baby milk has to be produced from baby-safe food which has never caused an allergic reaction in any baby ever before, preferably the milk producer (a.k.a. mother) is to eat only rice and water. After 6 months babies start to eat extra baby food. You can make it yourself too - just take all the nasty healthy things from your kitchen that no human eats, then boil them and make a puree. Make sure you don't add anything that might make it tasty! I mean, you can offer a baby mashed potatoes but if you add a pinch of salt, milk, butter, or any other kind of flavoring that might make it tasty you can't feed it to a baby anymore. There is, however, a loophole with the baby feeding business. You can flavor mashed potatoes with mashed carrots! A little bit of variety while still "food" that no human would voluntarily eat.

Baby room temperature has to be 16 to 20 degrees because babies require many layers of full-body clothing at all times. Whenever they fall asleep they need to be quickly covered with a thick blanket (preferably either baby pink or baby blue otherwise the baby's head will explode from being introduced to colors other than pink and baby blue). Upon falling asleep, turn off ALL sound near the baby or if you wish, you can sing lullabies but no other kind of music. Baby's clothing has to be washed with water and baby safe washing powder, under no circumstances must normal household laundry washing be used on baby clothing. If you use cloth diapers, make sure you wash them, boil them and iron them after each use. Every pacifier or milk bottle that a baby uses has to be boiled either daily or after each use.

If you raise a baby you need to get all those things right! Make no mistake! Boil baby bottles, wash baby clothes with special powder, make sure you don't introduce baby to any flavors, colors, sound, bacteria or anything else that makes human world what it is today. I haven't found the proof yet, but I'm pretty sure babies are being prepared for life on another planet and after a year on Earth they migrate to outer space.

As for Siiri, I'm raising her to be mine and Erkki's offspring - a human being. I wash her clothes just like I wash mine (until she gets an allergic reaction, which has not happened yet). I keep her in a room with normal temperature of 24 degrees, I make her milk from every allergen eaten by people until I see her get an allergy. I play her music that I normally listen to, I dress her in the clothing I would choose to wear if I was that small with inadequate blood circulation. And she can spend time where ever I would feel comfortable. When the room feels warm to me, I cover her with a folded cloth in stead of a warm blanket. Just like I buy myself cool cosmetics, she deserves to have her very own mild baby shampoo and her very own cute yellow towel. And I promise to start boiling her baby bottles before each use when I also decide to boil her hand each time she tries to put it in her mouth.

In short, I don't treat Siiri like a baby (). In stead I treat her like a tiny human who will live on Earth 5, 10 and even 50 years from now. I'm sure if she disagrees with any of my decisions for her comfort she will loudly let me know. So far I don't see her complaining.