Already at the start of the conference, people were discussing the wine that was being offered. I'm sure it was great. Although it was just regular conference wine, it must have been great because we were in Burgundy region of France. The discussion group was really small, so one guy turned to me and said, "But of course you can't try this wine.". That made me cringe inside, so I smiled and clarified, "I could try it if I wanted. There's a difference between trying and drinking. I CHOSE not to try it."
I later realized the absurdity of a man (what do they know about pregnancy anyway) with a scientific background (calculating concentrations is like a second nature) telling me I am not allowed even to taste wine. 
Fortunately I knew he didn't really mean it that way - he was really friendly and sweet. Also he didn't comment when I tasted the good wines during conference dinner. There the waiters were really adamant to fill everyone's glasses with wonderful red and white wine that were picked especially for our 4-course superb dinner. I seemed to be the only one sending back two nearly full glasses. One of the things I didn't plan on was eating raw meat. I have really horrible memory for trivia. I knew for sure that boeuf in French means meat, usually beef. I also remembered that there's some raw meat dish called "Boeuf de la something-something".
But the menu item "tartar de boeuf" did not light up any warning lights for me. I would have been suspicious if it had been some sort of high-end restaurant specialized in variety foods, but it was just a small clean restaurant that looked like a place ideal for an early morning coffee and croissant. Of course Tartar de boeuf, also known as Boeuf de tartar, is the raw dish that I shouldn't have ordered. I tasted it and suspected what it was, then I had my friend ask the waitress how it's made. The reply was, "Take meat, chop it and mix it." It was really late, I was quite hungry, it didn't taste so bad and the meat looked, smelled and tasted completely fresh, so I just ate it. Just at the beginning of the month I declared that this raw meat dish is something that I want to try at least once in my life, but certainly not while pregnant. Oh well. I guess it was meant to be. I also rode metro trains, although we were advised twice to take the bus in stead. I also drank coffee and I even went over my 1-cup-a-day limit. It was a CONFERENCE! How could I have skipped the coffee and not feel like I'm missing out on something. One waitress asked, "Coffee or tea?", I said "Coffee", she looked at me and brought me tea. I sent it back and had her bring me coffee. Another think not good for pregnant women was when I walked 20-30 km in Paris and finally returned to the hotel nauseous and dizzy. When we got to the hotel I googled why minor sunburn would make me nauseous and I found out I'm actually having a slight heatstroke, which is often caused by dehydration. I drank all the water I had and immediately felt better.
Ah how I love the Internet. Flying while pregnant felt adventurous, since I never knew what airplane company policy I was in disagreement with. The first time I was asked to switch seats with someone because I just happened to be sitting right next to the emergency exit. Company policy says that this is not the proper place for a pregnant woman. At first we thought it's because that's the least safe seat in the plane - if anything should happen, the door might detach and pull the closest seat with it. Later I found out it's because the person sitting there must be able to open the door and help people get out of the plane in case of emergency. During another flight, the flight attendant saw my belly and asked me to switch seats. Apparently it's company policy for pregnant women to be seated by the window. I don't know the real reason but I figure it's the safest spot in case people panic. I wouldn't want anyone trying to climb over me to get off the plane and I really would like to wait for a good safe moment to get out of my seat. Also, as long as I'm in the window seat, no one can accidentally drop a suitcase on me while opening the overhead compartment. That was all fine and sweet. Nice of them to make things safer for me.
However I was less happy when I was nearly denied a boarding pass on my way back. I knew I can't fly after 32 or 36 weeks of pregnancy but I'm only around 23 weeks, so there is no reason to worry. I didn't think I'd have to prove it! Just a week earlier I was still contemplating whether I look pregnant or simply out of shape and now one person thought I need a doctor's note proving that I'm not about to give birth any minute now. The check-in lady was actually calling someone to make sure she's allowed to let me fly without a certificate of pregnancy.
Finally she let me proceed so she spared her company the discussions I was planning to have about my medical data being my private matter and, how ridiculous it was to think I was 2 months more pregnant and so on. I was even planning on demanding them to prove they have any right to keep me off the plane, and since I knew they don't have any right, since I wasn't a danger to anyone and not braking any rules. In case they would keep me off the plane for not having that certificate, I was going to demand refund and a compensation for any discomfort or I'll go to the press claiming this company has prejudice against pregnant women. 
The situation really was too ridiculous to be true. I'm glad they came to their senses while I was still nice and polite.During my stay in France I visited two places - Dijon and Paris. Dijon is truly beautiful. I recommend visiting it to anyone who wants to experience France in all it's glory. I also think you should consider skipping Paris. There are some wonderful places worth sightseeing, like the magnificent Arc de Triumph, which was about 10 times bigger than I expected. Just find a picture on Google with tiny ants on the bottom edge of the picture - those are people. Eiffel tower is also really pretty. It's quite ugly from far away but up close it's a masterpiece of symmetry and perfection. Notre dame is also amazing. It's simply so huge! That's the thing with Paris - it might be a loud, crowded, unpleasant, smelly, dirty and impractical city full of people wanting to cheat money out of you, but their tourism objects are simply so BIG. All the things I mentioned - arcs, monuments, churches - can be found elsewhere but they are simply bigger in Paris.
Siiri didn't see me for 5 days in a row. I thought she'd miss me a lot and people would have a hard time with her because of it. The reality: she barely noticed I was gone. I did warn her several times that I'll be gone for many days and then I'll be back, and she seemed like she might even be listening, but she didn't even ask for me while I was away.
She spent a lot of time with her grandparents and was too busy playing and having fun to remember I even exist.
. There's 14 cases. Even the most basic words like water can be vesi, vee, vett, veega, veeta, or other. Or the word home can become from kodu to koju or kodus and so on. It makes it so difficult to widen one's vocabulary, but it makes it even worse to find the right word for the sentence you're trying to piece together. Well, Siiri's much better at it than I would have expected. Maybe all kids are, but she's the one whose progress I've been observing. Just a month ago she wasn't combining words at all, and in the past couple of days she's said "Seda putru ei taha" (This porridge I don't want) and "Siiri joob vett" (Siiri is drinking water). She even used a plural for dinosaurs when she referred to several at the same time. She uses very few made-up words. Her version of "tüdruk" (girl) is "küke". It's always küke, even though for nearly all other words she really makes an effort to say it exactly right. 
She's really growing up to be a strong-willed person who'd probably do well even in military if she wasn't so girly and pink and fond of pretty glittery things.
, then puts them in her pocket for safe-keeping. She has even brought me something I couldn't really see, so I asked her, "Siiri, what did you give me?" and she replied, "A flower" and walked back to her book. The game took a whole different turn when she "picked up" Snow White's poisonous apple and quickly took a bite. I have been using the word "poisonous" to mark things she must never-ever put in her mouth so I "put back" the poisonous apple and conversationally told her she shouldn't eat it because it's poisoned, but I caught it in time and she'll be okay. Suddenly she looked so grim. She sat there completely serious and contemplative for nearly a minute and then burst out crying and sobbing as if she had just committed the worst crime possible (whatever that might be). It took a long time and a lot of effort to convince her that no harm was done, I'm not upset with her actions, and she'll be okay. 
However, overall it was the least lucky travel experience I've ever had. The weather was atrocious. It had been 20 C during the week before we arrived and 20 C during the week after we left, but when we were there, it was constantly near 10-12 degrees and dropped as low as 4 degrees one morning. Not really the weather for walking around town and sightseeing. 
She had 38.6 C with laryngitis. I had never seen it myself. It mostly affects small children and can easily become life-threatening within one night. It's basically throat swelling which obstructs breathing. We didn't diagnose the symptoms at night but we went to the hospital emergency room with Siiri first thing in the morning. Siiri got proper medical care and was well enough for travelling back 3 days later. Quite a scary experience to be honest. If that last-era place had had a proper internet connection in the hotel rooms, I would have easily found out about laryngitis and I would have called the ambulance in stead of waiting until the morning. Siiri was already wheezing in each breath when we started going to the hospital. It could have gone much worse but all went well in the end. Due to the medicine that was prescribed, we also found out that Siiri probably has some allergies we didn't know about. She reacts to antihistamines as if it's opiates we're giving her. From whiny and mean 
to happy and mellow 
in minutes.
This post is about childbirth and scientific evidence about it. If you're uncomfortable with the topic, skip this post. For the rest of you, I've been obsessing about childbirth in the last couple of days. 
My only earlier experience turned out not quite like I imagined. 52 hours long counting from the time the water broke, about 40 hours of induced labor, including 9 h 42 m of "active labour", starting from the time I insisted that I really am giving birth and a physician finally gave in against her better judgement and moved me to the right room. No anesthesia because until the very end no one was around to offer it to me and afterwards it made no sense anymore and finally being so exhausted that after childbirth, I passed out for at least 24 hours, only waking for brief moments. 
Maybe if it hadn't been like that, I'd already be a mother of two. Finally I just decided I have to stop postponing a second pregnancy. Now that I'm really growing a tummy and I've even felt the baby move (as early as 15 weeks) and all the routine pregnancy tests have been good, I can't avoid the thought that I will have to do that again. So I've been thinking, how can I do that better? 
although that makes things more difficult for the midwife. Squatting during labor is the fastest method and opens up areas below by 10%, but can cause tears because it is so fast. It's also a very difficult position to stay in. Water helps childbirth but I chose against it because being in water restricts my movement and makes me feel clumsy. Besides, water gets cold after a while and I've heard it can get quite icky during an actual labor. Episiotomy, or deliberate cutting down below is pointless because doing the cut to avoid a natural tear is kind of counterproductive and the cut can tear up more as the baby comes. Women who have an episiotomy are more likely to end up with a very deep tear compared to women who don't have an episiotomy. 
Long ago people used oil to make things more slippery but now women are supposed to believe that the greasy substance called vernix on the baby's skin is enough. Babies who are carried to full term don't have much vernix left so that certainly isn't enough. Now there's a new product called Dianatal gel which is designed to be a birth lubricant. Quite ingenious in my opinion. It costs a ton of money, around $130, but if it might help, I'd try it. Some midwives say it helps, some say it doesn't make a difference, I say the product makes enough logical sense to pay the cost.
I was given the clear impression that the faster we get the baby out the better and that the second stage of labor is very dangerous for the baby. The longer it lasts the worse it is. Well, that's not quite true. 
And they certainly don't look sorry when they're stitching up tears they helped create.
Water injection into the skin is still an option I'd consider because it's only side effect is short term discomfort but it can relax the body by relieving pain and thus help with childbirth.
So, the experiment plan is done but I still have to wait a whole 5 months until I can put it to test. 
. Chromosomal aberration screening was also very nice. Everything they measured was diagnosed as "no increased risk and no need for additional tests." That's a relief.
Judging by my size and shape alone, I'm about one month ahead compared to my previous pregnancy. I'm at week 14 and I look like I'm at week 18-20. Every time I pass a mirror, I stop in disbelief. I confirm it several times a day: no matter how much I pull in my tummy or adjust my posture, I still look very pregnant. Weight gain is a bit on the high end but it seems to have all gone on the front side.
. I'm always torn whether to let her have her fun or to tell her to tone it down for the sake of the neighbors. Usually the spectacle is too cute to interrupt.
It sounds even weirder in real life. I'd use "you are brushing/you are playing" but when Siiri points to herself, asking "this?", the correct answers include Siiri, girl or kid but she rarely accepts "you" as a valid answer. Hence creepy sentences are formed.
It's been years since I quit so I wouldn't smoke it even if they offered but it's still worth the effort to motivate them not to tempt me with cigarettes too often. Alcohol is more tricky. It was a planned pregnancy so I limited my alcohol consumption even before I knew I was pregnant. And still I don't see the science behind the no-alcohol rule. Actually, what I meant to say is, this rule is not scientific. It's so unsupported by science that I'd say it's chauvinistic. Light drinking (up to 6 drinks per week, never over 2 drinks in a day) has not been shown to have any adverse effects. This is the conclusion from literature reviews. There might still be a few badly conducted tests which can be taken out of context, otherwise it would be extra stupid why the reviews say, "no adverse side effects, but pregnant women still shouldn't drink any alcohol." Those jerks would probably include fermented sour milk kefir with up to 1% alcohol, a drink that is recommended by Estonian doctors for young babies. I've even read some doctors in England secretly prescribe wine to pregnant women who have a risk of miscarriage - alcohol relaxes the body and has no adverse side effects in small doses. I'm playing it safe enough. I don't worry about alcohol content below 0.5%, I drink as much kefir as I want and if the wine is excellent I'll have half a glass on a special occasion. This is quite in accordance with the ambiguous view presented in one pregnancy study-book that's distributed for free to all pregnant women in Estonia - seems Estonia might not have a strict no-alcohol rule during pregnancy. 
) , I eat salted raw salmon because it just feels right on my tongue, I eat smoked meat or fish when I like it, although I usually don't, I eat eggs with runny yolk because it makes eggs so much better. I just make sure the eggs are very fresh. I eat good quality soft cheese when I want. I don't peel all vegetables and fruits and I often eat uncooked salad. I eat a lot of things that some pregnant women wouldn't. My reason is weighted risk: my chances of getting hit by a car on my way to work are much greater than the chances of getting poisoned by fresh food. Being extra safe just isn't worth it most of the time. I didn't sand down all the corners in our apartment when Siiri was learning to walk and I won't give up sushi just because it would make things less than 0.01% safer. Stress over little things isn't healthy either.
I've also tried putting half a lemon in the refrigerator... Don't try this at home. The refrigerator was just as smelly except for the pungent smell of lemon trying to hide everything else. It smelled like a bad taxi with too many scented trees. 
Eventually defrosting rescued us from the smell.
When I boil water for pasta, there's no reason to either add a random amount of salt, sometimes too much sometimes too little, and ruin a meal. There's also no reason to add a little, then stir and wait, then taste, add a little more salt, stir and wait... It's much more simple to pour two liters of water in a pot, take a bowl and a regular kitchen scale and weigh 12 grams of salt (you might prefer 14 grams). Pour salt in water and forget about it. Weighing salt is even more convenient when you're adding it to something you can't taste - like a large chunk of raw meat. Eighteen to twenty grams per kilo is appropriate for most meat. If you're adding cheese or salted bacon, or if half of the meat is just bone, adjust the amount of salt accordingly.
Okay, maybe E535 and E536 ferrocyanide salts aren't that bad. You'll die of sodium poisoning long before you even start feeling the minor long-term side effects of ferrocyanide salts.
, are you sure you want to be eating it? Did I mention it causes hyper-activity in children? Siiri won't be tasting much of those. When I discover that a product I've bought is laced with those azo compounds, I throw it in the trash and I boycott the company in the future for trying to profit at the expense of my health. Also avoid E621 whenever possible. A study in China showed that people who use a lot of sodium glutamate (E621, MSG) are 3 times more likely to be overweight compared to people who use very small amounts of sodium glutamate. Have fun trying to avoid it since it's even in most spice mixes sold in the store, not to mention all meat products and much else.
I keep hearing that there's no one to vote for and I agree with that opinion. Still I feel I need to give my vote to someone to be justified to bitch about government's bad judgement calls in the following 4 years. For a while I've been a supporter of Reform Party which is a centre-right, free market liberal party in Estonia (as Wikipedia phrases it). I'm all for liberalism and I love the idea of free market. They lowered taxes and made Estonia very lucrative for foreign investors. 
I think it's thanks to them that Estonia is currently in a much better situation compared to Latvia and Lithuania. Our economy looks nice, there have been wonderful advances towards electronically advanced country where we no longer have to fill in paper forms to be piled in some dusty basement, but in stead, everything is made available electronically and information travels faster and much more reliably. I think it's just so cool that Internet access is a basic human right in Estonia. 
- and this is an important BUT - I don't think I'm politically on the right side anymore!
Some make it some don't. Some people didn't deserve to make it. I kept seeing people who failed at life and I saw many places where they had taken the wrong turn. No one pushed them toward it - they chose to not pay attention in school or to skip classes or take jobs with no perspective when they could have settled for temporary worse pay and a better future. I saw that homeless people were always drunk on cologne or cheap booze - no one poured it down their throats - and I saw how people ended up in dept because of loans they never could afford in the first place - loans they should have declined. All those people had made their choices and failed. I felt very strongly: 
Why should I care if they have no motivation to strive for a better live? I myself managed on student's loan (little over $1000 back then) for nearly an entire year (I didn't have to pay rent) and I felt proud that I can handle anything life throws at me. I didn't have any pity for people getting minimum wage (more than I had) and kept whining about government not giving them free money.
It's very painful to even imagine it. Okay, that's where my level of empathy stayed for a while. I realized that other people's minds have been tormented by world hunger as long as people have known about it and this hasn't solved the problem. It doesn't help if I also think about it because it's not a problem that I could ever solve. 
People are miserable and there's an increasing gap between the wealthy and the poor. Politicians have been focusing on economy so long that they have completely forgot that there are people here, too. 
That's why we have a society, to make the most of our common potential. There is no greater potential than our next generation. I've heard that society is judged by how the weakest members are treated and I do agree that there is a line that should never be crossed - in a proper civilized country, all people should have the basic necessities. The luxuries are what we all should strive for. 
However, I do think that there should be no homeless people and no one should be left to starve or cool to death. I don't think poor people should have nice lives, Utopia doesn't exist. Poor people deserve to have crappier lives for the wrong choices they've made in life, but there is still an invisible line. If we let our societies weakest to live below certain standards then our own humanity and compassion suffers and we are worse people simply for letting people starve and not doing anything about it. Perhaps the solution would be to build more soup kitchens or better options for poor people to get free food for food stamps - perhaps only basic food items (flour, milk, bread, etc) so they still have motivation to improve their lives. For homeless people I'd even provide basic beds in some over-crowded old building, with toilets and showers. It doesn't have to look nice, I'd even say it shouldn't look very nice, it just has to serve a basic function. Or I don't know. 
It just feels wrong that there are homeless people in the -20 C weather that we've been having for a while now. It feels wrong that some people don't wash themselves for months because they have nowhere to wash themselves. It seems barbaric. 
I can just hear how some people just hit their foreheads against their desk, so I'll explain. Yeah, they're socialist and they want to increase taxes to increase benefits to all. But they are promising to provide kindergarten places to everyone, plus they support free school lunch to all (now it's only for some age groups I think), they are concerned with life standards in the countryside, which has been too badly ignored. They want to increase child support three-fold to €60. I think all those are worthy goals and they make up for the progressive tax they are proposing. In their view, salary over €1000 per month should be taxed with 26% in stead of 20%. If that 6% from some people helps provide all children free lunch, then I think it's worth it. They had a whole set of very expensive and very lucrative election promises and all those are impossible to turn into a reality any time soon. However, I believe most of their goals are a step closer to what Estonian people need. I really hope they don't get majority of votes because they are too socialist, but I do want to see them breathing down Reform Party's neck to remind them that country doesn't consist of only economy - there's people too. 
