Sounds like so much fun, doesn't it? Well, sure there's also some work stress about experiments not succeeding and everything taking too much time, but my thoughts finally have some complexity. My main problem of the day is no longer, "what shall I make for lunch?".Figuring out what to make for lunch is no easy task. And unfortunately I'm still not able to escape this responsibility. When I know I won't be home during lunch, I simply have to prepare lunch even earlier or to figure out something simple enough for the babysitter to prepare. I'm not evil enough to give her a chunk of raw pork and a jar of sun dried tomatoes with a comment, "do something with them". That would be especially evil taking into account she's vegetarian!
Vegetarians are a truly rare breed in Estonia. She's the first Estonian vegetarian I've seen in years. Or perhaps there have been vegetarians who are hiding their eating habits. This could seem odd to anyone who hasn't seen how little respect vegetarians get among Estonians. This particular vegetarian spent her Jaanipäev (summer solstice) in the same place as us. Grilled meat, especially pork, is a traditional food during Jaanipäev celebration. She doesn't mind other people (including her own children) eating meat but apparently other people truly mind her NOT eating meat. "I see you don't have any FOOD on your plate. Why don't you eat meat? Is it some allergies? What's wrong with eating meat?". Eventually it got really nasty. "Why don't you like real food? What's wrong with you?
". I eat easily three times as much meat as an average Estonian and I would restlessly argue with anyone who says that meat, a rich source of both protein and iron, is unhealthy food to us omnivores. However, this babysitter simply feels sorry for the animals and has decided that she herself won't eat meat, and somehow her choice makes me respect her more. Siiri gets along with this babysitter so well that I can leave for work without worrying about Siiri's well being.
I plan her meals and I'm free to think about other topics. It feels so nice to be useful for things besides housework or helping Siiri. Stereotypes make us believe that mothers ought to be near tears when they don't see their children for a few hours but I really enjoy spending time in the laboratory. So maybe I'm not really made for motherhood because I'm happy to go to work and later I'm equally happy to come home to Siiri again. Erkki barely sees Siiri at all, but it doesn't make him a bad father and he doesn't seem torn apart by it all! Perhaps it's simply sexist to say that good mothers must hate working because it separates them from their children! Sometimes it seems Siiri is also happier if I work. I'm really bad at playing with Siiri. After a few hours of playing I get bored and I start to dominate the game. In stead of Siiri pointing at pictures to ask "what's this on the picture", I end up asking her, "Siiri, where is dog?". When I don't dominate the game, I get really sleepy because my mind is so under stimulated. Usually I try to do anything else to keep myself vivid and I play with Siiri only as background activity. So even when I'm at home, Siiri doesn't get my full attention. Babysitter plays with Siiri for real and Siiri loves her for it.
Not the entire summer is about work. Tomorrow we're going on a 4-day vacation. We don't want to take Siiri on a plane so we rented a small house in Estonia, near Otepää. We won't have to worry about cooking and we can spend time in a sauna or we can grill meat and drink cider outdoors.
Speaking of cider, Siiri is completely weaned from breastfeeding. Her last remaining breastfeeding was some time between 5 and 7 a.m. so now she wakes up at 7 a.m. and won't fall back asleep. Me and Erkki take turns in keeping her company in the morning. It took time for her to get used to not being breastfed anymore and she was very upset with me even during daytime. It all ended a couple of days ago. Siiri asked for breast milk during daytime and I chose to give it to her because she was asking so nicely. She took a taste and looked like the happiest baby ever. She just wouldn't stop grinning widely
, but then she let go and asked for water in stead. She thirstily drank half a glass of water and hasn't asked for breast milk ever since.Sometimes I wonder: am I really a "mommy" or am I just someone who has a child? Perhaps there is a difference and not all people are really able to truly be mommies?
