Family

Family events - don't we all just love those? Well I don't. It's a well known stereotype that Thanksgiving family reunions are horrible. And I'm convinced there is a reason for that. There must be. I'm sure.



Okay, so the situation was this - a room full of people. 3 sisters (me included) with their partners plus one brother and two little kids: 2 and 4 years old. It felt a bit formal like all polite family events with food but pleasant nontheless. And then an absolutely absurd chain of events occurred. The 4-year old kid was asked what a yapper is and he obliviously said my name. My sister said, "Oh, that was soooo not nice of you to say that about your aunt Krista.". I gave my sister an inquiring look because my name was mentioned. I get along with the kid just fine, so there's no reason he'd say anything deliberately mean about me behind my back. It seemed the kid didn't even know what a yapper is. And it isn't even a proper word anyway or at least it's rarely used to insult people. He simply had no interest in their game and said the first random thing on his mind.

But my sister was sure the kid was saying mean things about me, so she wanted to "save" me and announced that the kid had called me a yapper and then proceeded to tell the boy that it wasn't nice of him and he shouldn't do it next time. I got angry and said that the kid didn't even mean it like that and I wouldn't have even noticed it if she hadn't announced it like this. I really tried to choose my words but I had an angry and threatened tone because I had just been called a yapper in a group of 7 adults. Why would anyone call me a yapper? I'm not a yapper! Absurd!

Everyone got quiet, the other sister wanted to make things good again and said I was just being hormonal (as if to justify my reaction). So I tried to explain myself a bit better, but apparently the situation was already too tense because the first sister stormed out of the room and her boyfriend followed him. Then the second sister again justified that it was my hormones and I shouldn't worry about exaggerated emotions. I said it wasn't that. But I didn't want to make things any worse, so I decided to sit quietly until my adrenaline level goes down.

Then the sister's boyfriend comes in and says, "Are you happy now?! You made her cry!" And then it all went over the edge and I started to cry as well and the second sister was talking about hormones again. WTF?! My sister storms out of the room crying, I get blamed and now I am being hormonal?! My husband was really worried. He had not seen me that upset for years. I spent some time trying to calm down but even when we got home half an hour later I was still so upset that half my teeth hurt and I had a headache. The baby wasn't too happy either. I was avoiding any conversation with my sisters but I still needed to understand what had even happened so when I got home we talked about it with my husband.

I'm feeling better now, but my eyes are red and my teeth hurt. The baby has finally calmed down. And nothing really even happened! The 4-year old kid didn't say anything bad about me and my sister didn't say anything bad and I wasn't deeply insulted and my sister's boyfriend just asked if I was happy. Why the hell did all that happen then? What happened there?! Is it really just the pregnancy making me too emotional? No! I still say that it's just a lousy stereotype! No matter how much I analyze it, I don't see how it was about pregnancy & hormones.

I have been angry twice during my entire pregnancy - once today and once when I was visiting my folks. I mentioned it in the blog: one brother called me a fatso and the other gave nicknames to my unborn child, all at the same time. I raised my voice at them and that was that. Both times I was angry when I was with my family. Coincidence? I think not!

My personality has come a long way since I moved out of my parents home. Then I was just unsure about everything, trying to get into the university, unsure how I would be able to live on my own. Sadly, the rest of the family shared these thoughts. They were surprised I got into the university, and when I moved out my dad gave me $20. As if I was just asking for allowance to buy some candy. That was almost six years ago.

Now in my everyday life the situation is significantly different. I am surrounded by intelligent and successful people. At work I am treated as an equal by molecular biology scientists who regularly publish articles in international journals. Among my friends I am sometimes the extroverted enthusiastic chatterbox and sometimes the friendly curious person asking silly questions. Among my husband's friends I'm more often the shy friendly wife. I don't talk much but when others initiate conversation I give a positive impression. I can be a bit too opinionated and way too honest, but that's just me and everyone has their weaknesses. Despite that, I'm quite used to being treated as an equal. Even people who don't know me well treat me with polite respect (as I treat them).

However, the moment I'm surrounded by my family, I am assumed to take the same role I had as a child. No one among my friends or colleagues would ever call me a fatso or a yapper. But for some reason, that's not the case when I'm with my family. I assume they treat me with some respect and I'm completely thrown off track when they suddenly don't. Or maybe if a friend had said "fatso", I would have found it funny. Mhh. Yes, I would have thought it was hilarious because I would know they were joking and it would be a bold joke to make. It would be flattering that our friendship is so close that they know I wouldn't think they really meant that. But you see, when it's family, it's different. My brother calls me a fatso and suddenly 5 people are laughing as if it was the joke of the day. Pardon me if I don't join in.

I didn't pay too much attention to it a year ago, but I just intuitively avoided spending too much time with my family because I felt somewhat tense with them. So why do I react to it now? Because I'm no longer just a student living on my own - now I'm a grown-up and I can not agree with being treated as the high-school me. I have my own family, I have a job, I live in an apartment I helped decorate... I have my own life and I'm about to become a parent. This means I get assertive when I'm not being treated as an adult. So it DOES have something to do with pregnancy, but not with hormones. My self perception has changed so much that I am no longer able to accept being treated as the child who left home 6 years ago. This means there will probably be a few more fights with my family in the near future - they will force me into the old role and I will fight my way out of it. They won't expect it and there will be tension but it can not be avoided. Things will finally settle and in 10-20 years all of us will have pleasant adult relationships with assumed mutual respect. Our children will play together and all will be well. Can't wait.

Little Chick

I have casually given my baby a pre-birth nickname. In Estonian it's a very innocent-sounding "Tibu", however the English translation adds quite a new meaning to it. "Tibu" literally translates into "Chick", as in a baby chicken. I'm pretty sure the nickname will just naturally go away when we officially give the baby a name. I don't even use if often; only when I'm trying to get her attention. It sometimes feels too cold and distant to say, "Baby, oooii, stop kicking." And it's too weird to use the name that we MIGHT give her after birth. It really depends on what she looks like. She's still more often "Baby" (Tita) but I have started to see her as a person and not just a combination of mine and Erkki's genes.

The Little Chick is really showing character by now. If the belly-behavior correlates at all with her natural behavior then I would say she is sociable, strong-willed, stubborn, prone to huffing and puffing when something isn't going quite as she expected. She's also curious and her natural state is to take it easy. You might wonder where I get all this. Simple - it's a result of observations.

Yesterday she got some water in her lungs when she was trying to swallow amniotic fluid. I think that should be possible because babies have that valve that stops them from inhaling milk when they are eating. In the womb they practice both breathing and swallowing so I'm sure they also learn to make a difference when the valve is active and when it isn't. When a belly baby makes a mistake during her breathing exercise, she ends up with hiccups. And when she makes a mistake during her swallowing exercise, I bet she ends up feeling really uncomfortable. Just a theory but seems plausible because there has to be a feedback system to remind the baby never to inhale when she's supposed to be swallowing. Well anyway, she must have inhaled some liquid because she suddenly really started acting out. She was wriggling like it was Armageddon and she wouldn't stop for minutes and minutes... I changed positions and shook my belly and then all the random squirming turned into hiccups. Oh she hates that. There were some disgruntled light kicks until she got rid of the hiccups, then she practiced breathing for a minute or two and went to sleep.

When she is not quite sure about something she protests against it until her protesting has some result. Like when I rest my hand on my belly, she sometimes starts persistently nudging it until I remove my hand. I bet sometimes she's just curious what would happen and if a couple of tries don't have an effect, she repeats as long as necessary. And she's certainly sociable because when she's kicking in two different places and I reply by tapping or rubbing my belly in one of those places, she will almost always prefer kicking where the response is.

And despite all the signs of a strong stubborn personality she really enjoys just chilling and doing nothing. That's why there's times when she just won't move for a long time. She will find a comfortable position and won't even consider moving even when I try to shake her away from a weird position. When she gets used to lying on one side and I turn around, she will not be happy! Or when she has settled herself nicely but I try to fall asleep on the "wrong" side, she will sooner start nudging non-stop than change her position. So she's stubborn about her comfort as well.

Me and Erkki did a Tarot reading about her personality for fun once and very similar traits were visible there. Lots of willpower and strength. She's predicted to be persistent and stubborn. I like Tarot cards. They're fun!

Now I have general observations combined with guessing and Tarot card readings. Why not add even more data by looking over the zodiac situation as well. That's almost as good data as all the other "evidence" for her personality. Due date is 7th of May. The real date can be any time before and after that but probably not more than a couple of weeks off the target. 21st of April to 21st of May is Taurus and the due date sits nicely in between.

Tauruses are strong individuals, quite "bull-headed". They can be dogged and determined when they have a goal in mind. Taurus is determined and peaceful. Not a leader but will respect leaders. Resistant to change. Good sense of humor and intelligent. Dependable friend who is not scared off by a challenge. Calm and generally against fighting, but will fight if someone else is provoking. Temper tends to explode in violent bursts. ...Mhhhh... Is it just me or have I actually been describing a typical Taurus throughout my entire blog post today.

It would be cool if her personality prognosis turned out to be true because I really like kids who know what they want. It's so much easier with them. I can tell them my expectations and opinions without worrying about crushing their little souls... I can simply tell them - "Please clean your room by tonight." and they will know that it's just something I want them to do. But if they're little fragile souls, they will feel like they're a tortured Cinderella and I'm the mean bossy mother. And I really don't think I would be good at sugar-coating everyday demands. "Would you please be so kind as to wash your hands before the meal?". Ummmm... I'll probably say, "Hands." and my eyes will say, "now!"

I won't be a mean bossy mother but I've always found it easier to deal with people who know exactly what they want. Being assertive comes fairly naturally to me, but being careful with other people's emotions is something I have to deliberately remind myself of.

All-in-all, it would be really cool if the little Chick really grows up as the sociable Taurus she is right now. And I really wanted this prognosis written down - if it's true I can say "I KNEW IT ALL ALONG!" and if it's not true, then no one will blame me for not knowing the personality of an unborn child.

Fibres and Birth

I haven't been paying much attention to my meals for the past couple of days. Yesterday's lunch was a >1000kcal selection in McDonald's and most of my dinner calorie intake was from non-alcoholic cider and juice. Naughty me. I guess my body could use a healthy boost right about now.

First of all - proteins! Oh I love those! The plan is to make a healthy high-protein salad with cottage cheese, paprika, smoked salmon, onions and pickles. It's absolutely delicious! Who says that the classic cold salad has to be made with potatoes, rice or macaroni. This one is built upon cottage cheese and I would eat it more often if dicing onions and pickles wasn't so tedious. Such healthy and tasty food is good for even two meals in a row. But it has one clear flaw - it's low in fibre content. And as I have decided to treat today as a healthy break, I need to add some fibers to my lunch and dinner.

OK, fibre sounds like some pointless health food thing, so no one really pays much attention. Usually I try to add either vegetables or some other low-processed food like brown rice or whole-wheat bread to my meal. I always assume that should be good enough effort. This time I just need to find a couple of foods that are very high in fibre content and just add a nice side-dish or a dessert. I bet a quick googling should help me on track in no time. How hard can it be, right?

My daily fibre need is around 30g. A few slices of high-fibre toast? A couple of apples? A bowl of high-fibre cereal? Perhaps a carrot or two? Yeah right! To get 30g of fibre, I would have to eat 2 entire breads of that high fibre toast. That'll give me 1800 kcal. Alternatively I could eat 17 apples. How about plums? Pregnant women are constantly told to eat plums to get more dietary fibre. That would be 2 kg of plums, adding 1100 kcal to my daily diet. WTF?! No pregnant woman would eat that amount! Why do they recommend it?!

I made an extensive Google search on the topic of fibres and simple ways of eating more fibres and the conclusion is this: NEVER BOTHER WITH FIBRES! It's a futile effort anyway! I'll eat some whole-wheat bread with my salad and that's the best I can accomplish anyway.

BTW! Nibbling on 200g of frozen raspberries gives 200 kcal and 9grams of dietary fibre! And it's so tasty!

On other topic, I've started to think about childbirth. In bath? On the bed? I've done a lot of research on how to minimize problems and what pain relief options I have. I'm starting to get a pretty clear idea of what demands to present to the midwife. I'll do it in a polite way but I use the word "demands" because I do not want any discussion when I'm already occupied with giving birth. For example - no epidural! I don't care that it might offer some relief because it's dangerous and some women wear diapers for weeks after that. Plus their movement is restricted during the rest of the labour. Plus it increases the risk of injury to the woman. Plus sometimes it doesn't even relieve pain but still has all those risks! Another thing is deliberate cutting to reduce spontaneous cuts. Like hell I would let the midwife do that! I read the research and it will only make things worse! Another thing is strong pushing too early. I've read about midwives who want to get it over with too fast even though the mother says it's not the right time yet. I really want to go with my gut feeling and I will make it clear to the midwife! I want to have control over what happens and this is not negotiable. I will listen to her advice but in the delivery room I am the boss. I am not some uneducated, low-IQ, low-willpower average first-time mom. I know what I have got myself into and I will get myself out of it. The midwife can only assist a little.

Well sure, I'm gonna listen to her about when to breathe and how, but I don't want her to practice any outdated theory on me. And I don't want any last minute hasty decision making with limited information. I want to be informed of all my options at all times. That means I will do whatever is necessary to keep my child safe (even epidural is sometimes needed). I would even demand a C-section if there was no other way even though that's the last thing I would ever want. I just hope I get a very good midwife who agrees with me on the big things, so that I can also trust her with the small decisions without questioning all of her opinions and knowledge.

Actually I'll probably be a model patient - I will be attentive and informed and my husband will be intelligent and reasonable and we will have a nice brief conversation with the midwife about preferences and everything else will happen according to the midwife's suggestions. But if she barges in and treats me like just another first-timer, I will treat her like an insignificant hospital worker who better not get in the way of me giving birth! There is simply too much talk about Estonian midwives being very cold and unreasonable. I'm simply educating myself and building up the willpower to tell the midwife off in case she's anything like my driving instructor.

Water birth still confuses me. Some data says that childbirth is faster and easier in a warm bath, but frankly - I do not like being all wet! It definitely doesn't empower me like they say in the pro-bath birth websites. Soaking in water just makes me feel naked and wet and heavy. Every movement takes twice as much effort and I feel dizzy and tired. They say warm water brings down high blood pressure, but my blood pressure is perfectly normal at 120/65. So obviously warm water gives me low blood pressure and hence makes me dizzy. Nothing empowering about that. And does it relax me? Well, being sleepy feels kind of relaxing but also makes me feel out of control. I might as well drink a bottle of vodka before giving birth and then claim it relaxes me. Then I would also feel slightly dizzy and tired but at least I wouldn't have to be in that wet bath tub.

And home birth is just ridiculous. There is no way I would do that. It feels quite selfish to deny my child immediate medical care (if needed) just so I could relax in my own home during labour. Kid will barely notice the weighing, measuring and the stifling hospital environment but she'll certainly notice dying due to lack of medical care.

THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING!!!!!!! THEY DON'T FEED PATIENTS WHO ARE GIVING BIRTH! The average first labour takes over 15 hours! They actually expect me to go there and NOT EAT for about 15 hours straight of being awake! I get bitchy after 6 hours and then I lose all energy after 7-8 hours... And that's how they expect me to give birth? No wonder people get tired and angry during childbirth and they start screaming things like "BAD husband, look what you did?!" And honestly no wonder some of them decide to eat placenta! (google "eating placenta" if you don't believe me). As for me - when my contractions start I will start cooking my last decent meal before I go to the hospital. And I will take some sandwiches to go just in case I'm in labour for more than the average person.

That's just some of the thoughts I've had about labour. It would be wise not to think about such things when I still have weeks until I give birth, but maybe it's good to have it out of my system long before I actually step into the delivery room. Or maybe - to get the topic out of my head I would have to get the baby out of my body first. I sure hope that's not the case.

Carriage vs Carrier

People have different standards for parenting. Imagine a woman who places her little baby in a warm outfit and settles her in a massage chair in front of the TV. Then she opens all the windows to let in some of that semi-polluted city air. She herself goes about her business not paying any attention to her child unless there's crying. In case there's crying she goes and shakes the massage chair a little to avoid picking up the kid, hoping the kid will just fall asleep soon. The same woman later gloats to all her friends, "It's so healthy for me and my baby.". Ridiculous scenario?! Think again!

In my opinion it's no different from placing the baby in a carriage and then pushing her around the city every day. "It's exercise for me and fresh outdoors air for my baby," they say. I've seen those carriage babies and their mothers on town! The mother treats the carriage like a tedious accessory. Some women look really tired of pushing it around. There is nothing fun about pushing a carriage! And the babies... Generally the kid looks about as enthusiastic as a grown-up who is watching TV-shop commercials, "seen that. That too. Nothing new here". Having nothing better to do, the kid usually just falls asleep.

What's so healthy about sleeping in a massage chair all alone with the parent barely paying any attention to them?! It's like a mommy-delusion. Young mothers are encouraged to push the baby around town each day for some daytime variety and for exercise. It actually doesn't do anything good for the baby. I don't think there's much fresh air at the side of the car road and carriages aren't like hummers! You won't go to a forest with a carriage. And the small country roads wide enough for 1.5 cars look dangerous enough as a simple pedestrian who can always step off the road when a car approaches too fast. Carriage is large and clumsy - much more likely to be hit by a speeding car.

I don't regret buying a carriage, though. Baby carriages do serve a purpose - they are meant for placing the kid in a boring place where the kid has nothing better to do than to sleep. A walk in the park with a carriage is baby nap time. It's a chance for the mother to go out shopping if she wants. The baby will be too bored to mind. Carriage is a mobile baby bed - nothing more! It's not a health device for the baby, except if you argue that sleeping IS healthy.

I like the alternative - baby carriers. Those are the backpacks with the baby inside. The baby can be placed in front or on the back. Some carriers also let you place the kid on the hip or facing away from you. This means that once a day I can put the kid in the carrier and go outside for a walk. It will be a united activity for me and the baby. And honestly, if I actually take the time and the effort to "take the baby for a walk", then I much more prefer if the baby actually feels like I'm there with her. I get my exercise and baby sees the world with the comfort that mother is right there.

I've been reading many articles and I've reached the conclusion that there is barely any limit to how much attention I can give a small infant. In nature it's almost assumed that the baby is near their mother at all times. Carriages are just a toys of the civilized world. Baby's don't need carriages. Baby carriage is a part of a philosophy that a distance between a mother and a child is perfectly healthy and good. It's a modern philosophy teaching that giving too much attention to a small child will spoil them. Contrary to that belief, studies have shown that children become independent sooner if they get abundant attention from their parents. And it's not possible to spoil an infant who can't think of anything but her basic needs.

Parental attention is a basic need and it must never become a rare comfort that the child has to demand for. If the kid gets a lot of closeness and her basic attention need is fulfilled, she won't mind spending some time playing on her own. She'll know that her parents are close by when she needs them.

It's pretty sad really. Some babies are miserable and lonely and the parent is so tired of dealing with them that they only pick the baby up when it can't be avoided - when the baby is crying. And if the baby cries but isn't hungry and has a fresh diaper, the parent assumes it's gas pain. And when the baby calms down, they put the baby back in the crib and leave the baby alone again. Poor kids. I hope my child will get so much attention from me that my presence won't be something she has to demand for. I expect that the carrier can help with that. I can simply attach a lonely kid to my torso and continue browsing the web or vacuuming the floor. Baby will be flooded with physical proximity and feels calm and happy.

I'm just talking about the very beginning! In general I expect a high degree of independence from my daughter. But to achieve that I need to make sure that she is happy and has all her basic needs satisfied. And that's why I won't put my baby in a baby carriage and push her around town thinking it's our united healthy outdoors activity.

PS! 32 weeks pregnant, 2 months to go. Ultrasound a couple of days ago said that the baby girl weighs 1865g and is exactly on schedule. Meanwhile I weigh +11,3 kg and I'm still not in horrible pain and misery. I'm feeling more and more exhausted which just gives a good excuse to rest more. Have bought baby bed, carriage, bath, bath thermometer, baby monitor, bed sheet, 5 body's, bed side padding. Ordered a baby floor mat and a hooded baby towel.

Interacting With Belly

Third trimester is finally getting the better of me. I'm soooo tired. I feel like sleeping and slouching the entire day. Walking is still okay but when I'm standing and talking to someone, I start feeling as if I'm carrying a heavy backpack and I prefer to sit down. When I fold laundry I tell myself, "oh, just a couple of shirts more and then I can sit down". Today is the worst. I actually feel dizzy from being so exhausted!

The depression/stress thing has got better. I don't know what made the difference, but now I mostly just feel really exhausted and not so horribly stressed out. I feel like I could feel really content if I could just sleep all day. That's really an improvement.

I'm definitely not gonna be the all-tolerant goo-cleaning mommy. I was browsing the web for pregnancy articles and reading a forum thread about belly shape. I like the shape of my round belly (nice firm skin and an oddly flat belly button) so I like reading when some pregnant women say they just look fat. As I was scrolling down I suddenly saw a picture of this toddler eating. He was covered in mashed food - his face was glistening with goo and slobber, his arm was shiny up to his elbow and covered with small pieces on mashed food. EWWWWWWWWWWW!!! It was so horribly gross! Why would anyone post such an image?! That kid needs a bath NOW. I was so grossed out I stopped reading the forum.

I tried to read articles about interacting with my unborn child. They did mention a little bit about playing games with the belly but most of it was stupid stuff like talking with my belly and reading books to my belly and singing to my belly. And having my husband talk to the belly and read to the belly ... No way! That's just weird. Well, OKAY I admit, sometimes when I get bored home alone and the baby is being boring, I tap my belly and say, "hey, wake up." or when the baby starts kicking my intestines, I say, "HEEEEY! Whatcha doing in there?!". Usually this makes her stop.

I definitely don't plan on reading books to the baby or having long monologues about how my day went. She hears my heartbeat all the time and she gets part of all the hormones in my body. And she hears my voice whenever I talk to anyone else. She KNOWS how my day went! I do something different - when the baby is doing really funny things in there, I laugh and cheerfully tell Erkki. Then Erkki replies in a happy tone. Baby hears me and my husband being happy. That's gotta be better than bluffing to my baby that I had a great day. Oh, and I DO sing - but I'm not sure Guitar Hero World Tour singing counts as "singing lullabies to my belly".

Trance and Baby Carriage

I'm in a weird trance-like state of mind right now. I've been home alone for 7 hours now. Such a long time... I spent most of this time cross-stitching. Actually I've been basketweave tenting but that's only a difference in stitch style as I still use an exact pattern and carefully selected threads. And I was watching TV. I hadn't really done that in such a long time if I don't take into account movies and anime from the computer.

Aaa...ny....way..... I was watching National Geographic channel and I saw a documentary about time travel. It was a nice reminder of all the old theories of wormholes and such. One scientist commented that there can't be any time travel because he has "never met anyone from the future." I had been thinking the same during the entire show - if time travel was possible, wouldn't there be some signs of future people among us? And then I realized - maybe there are! THE ALIENS!

If future people start traveling back in time what will they do here? They will study people - kidnap and catalogue with implants just like humans catalogue pets. They won't bother with huge historical changes because too much can go wrong. But if people really start visiting from different times in the future, wouldn't we also see different kinds of people? Wouldn't we see them evolve over millenniums? Well, did you know that there is species classification on alien sightings? There's tall and gray and there is short stocky and greenish. So are those just people from different times in the future? It would make sense for people to change so much physically. If people really do manage to make earth soil impossible for life then homo sapiens will have to evolve into something that can survive under water so it would be ideal to have large eyes to see in the ocean depth and to have fins between fingers...

PS! I don't believe that aliens exist. But I do think they create a fun alternative view of the world. They're like the theory that some dinosaurs survived until medieval times and "dragons" were actually real! Knights could actually slay a dragon for the princess's hand in marriage. Wouldn't it be nice if that was true...

Back to reality. Me and Erkki bought a baby carriage today. Yay. We now have a baby bed and a baby carriage. At the beginning of next week I'll buy a diaper changing table that can be placed on the baby bed. Then I can scratch one more thing off the baby list. There's still a few more things that cost 1000-2000 EEK (roughly $100-200). There's walkie-talkies with baby monitor function, baby carrier, and a nice baby mat. I'm afraid I'm too picky to buy just any product. I could get one of the cheaper and used baby carriers but the one I want is so good that it almost never ends up in the used-item sale ads. It can be used until the baby is 3 years old and it's so highly valued by mothers that no one wants to sell theirs. And all baby mats are just plain UGLY!

Actually now I've seen so many baby things that I wonder who really designs them. If it's color-blind idiots then I understand completely why they look so awful! There's a clear line - tiny baby stuff is cute, fluffy, soft, practical and nice. Anything that could be used by a child more than 1 month old suddenly is made of cheap neon plastic or synthetic cloth that makes my eyes want to scream in horror! No way that I would buy heaps of ugly crazy colorful stuff for my kid. And baby mats are the worst! Baby mat is big and visible so I can't really hide it in some box when I have visitors. And all baby mats look ugly beyond belief!

Don't bother rolling your eyes thinking, "but baby stuff has to be colorful to attract the kid's attention". I really love bright clear colors so I wouldn't mind colorful toys in general. But usual kid stuff is so ugly that I fear it might endanger the kid's sense of esthetics for a lifetime!

I finally went to pregnancy exercise class on Friday. Well actually it was more like pregnancy yoga. We didn't do much physical stuff and the things we did do gave me a backache. I'm going back next week though. There was a some good talking there and I got some great childbirth tips I hadn't heard from elsewhere. I just have to find an exercising class as well.

I feel more and more that the baby is trying to make contact. She has become quite good at the game where she replies to my tummy-tapping with kicks or punches in the same place. Also, when something is resting on my belly she goes and hits it several times. Initially I thought she was just uncomfortable from the pressure but now I think she sometimes just seeks out anything clear from the outside world and responds to it by headbutting the object. The most clear contact-making habit has to do with cats - when you scratch a cat behind her ears she will press herself against the scratching hand. When I massage the baby's back through my belly she actually presses herself harder against my skin and won't move until I stop rubbing it. Waaaaaay cute!