Ridiculous scenario?! Think again! In my opinion it's no different from placing the baby in a carriage and then pushing her around the city every day. "It's exercise for me and fresh outdoors air for my baby," they say. I've seen those carriage babies and their mothers on town! The mother treats the carriage like a tedious accessory. Some women look really tired of pushing it around. There is nothing fun about pushing a carriage! And the babies... Generally the kid looks about as enthusiastic as a grown-up who is watching TV-shop commercials, "seen that. That too. Nothing new here".
Having nothing better to do, the kid usually just falls asleep.What's so healthy about sleeping in a massage chair all alone with the parent barely paying any attention to them?! It's like a mommy-delusion.
Young mothers are encouraged to push the baby around town each day for some daytime variety and for exercise. It actually doesn't do anything good for the baby. I don't think there's much fresh air at the side of the car road and carriages aren't like hummers! You won't go to a forest with a carriage. And the small country roads wide enough for 1.5 cars look dangerous enough as a simple pedestrian who can always step off the road when a car approaches too fast. Carriage is large and clumsy - much more likely to be hit by a speeding car. I don't regret buying a carriage, though. Baby carriages do serve a purpose - they are meant for placing the kid in a boring place where the kid has nothing better to do than to sleep.
A walk in the park with a carriage is baby nap time. It's a chance for the mother to go out shopping if she wants. The baby will be too bored to mind. Carriage is a mobile baby bed - nothing more! It's not a health device for the baby, except if you argue that sleeping IS healthy. 
I like the alternative - baby carriers.
Those are the backpacks with the baby inside. The baby can be placed in front or on the back. Some carriers also let you place the kid on the hip or facing away from you. This means that once a day I can put the kid in the carrier and go outside for a walk. It will be a united activity for me and the baby. And honestly, if I actually take the time and the effort to "take the baby for a walk", then I much more prefer if the baby actually feels like I'm there with her. I get my exercise and baby sees the world with the comfort that mother is right there. I've been reading many articles and I've reached the conclusion that there is barely any limit to how much attention I can give a small infant. In nature it's almost assumed that the baby is near their mother at all times. Carriages are just a toys of the civilized world. Baby's don't need carriages. Baby carriage is a part of a philosophy that a distance between a mother and a child is perfectly healthy and good. It's a modern philosophy teaching that giving too much attention to a small child will spoil them. Contrary to that belief, studies have shown that children become independent sooner if they get abundant attention from their parents. And it's not possible to spoil an infant who can't think of anything but her basic needs.
Parental attention is a basic need and it must never become a rare comfort that the child has to demand for. If the kid gets a lot of closeness and her basic attention need is fulfilled, she won't mind spending some time playing on her own. She'll know that her parents are close by when she needs them.
It's pretty sad really. Some babies are miserable and lonely and the parent is so tired of dealing with them that they only pick the baby up when it can't be avoided - when the baby is crying.
And if the baby cries but isn't hungry and has a fresh diaper, the parent assumes it's gas pain. And when the baby calms down, they put the baby back in the crib and leave the baby alone again. 
Poor kids. I hope my child will get so much attention from me that my presence won't be something she has to demand for. I expect that the carrier can help with that. I can simply attach a lonely kid to my torso and continue browsing the web or vacuuming the floor. Baby will be flooded with physical proximity and feels calm and happy.I'm just talking about the very beginning! In general I expect a high degree of independence from my daughter. But to achieve that I need to make sure that she is happy and has all her basic needs satisfied. And that's why I won't put my baby in a baby carriage and push her around town thinking it's our united healthy outdoors activity.
PS! 32 weeks pregnant, 2 months to go. Ultrasound a couple of days ago said that the baby girl weighs 1865g and is exactly on schedule. Meanwhile I weigh +11,3 kg and I'm still not in horrible pain and misery. I'm feeling more and more exhausted which just gives a good excuse to rest more. Have bought baby bed, carriage, bath, bath thermometer, baby monitor, bed sheet, 5 body's, bed side padding. Ordered a baby floor mat and a hooded baby towel.
I've heard baby carriers can be bad for the development of the baby's spine (being hunched up in an unnatural position with the baby not having enough strength to hold herself up) and thus bad for the whole body. I don't know if it's just an urban legend/paranoia thing, but I'd advise you to look into it just in case.
ReplyDeleteIn the aspect of more closeness between mama and baby I agree that they're definitely better than carriages :) And much less bothersome to move around with.
I'm also somewhat afraid of using a carrier too much too early. The last thing I want is to make bad choices that result in the baby developing a bad back. It seems this risk is mostly associated with the baby's legs hanging from hip and this puts too much strain on the hips and causes bad bone development and lots of pain for the baby. And I've also read that the baby's back shouldn't be in the upright position too long. But well supported relaxed slouching position is okay. So I have to pick the carrier accordingly. Currently I have every intention of buying Ergo Baby carrier with the Infant Insert.
ReplyDeleteSome physiologists believe that babies are actually meant to be carried on the mother's hip. That's why their legs are naturally apart as babies. The other people who say that babies should be safely placed apart from the mother (as opposed to being carried around) also say that it's HEALTHY for babies to cry. It's exercise! :D
I found some really old review on the topic. The question is - are humans the species that's supposed to carry the baby with them at all times or are we the species that is supposed to leave the baby in the nest. There is much more supporting data towards carrying babies around with us. Several evolutionary triggers try to ensure that babies are rarely left alone. The review mentions that it is considered "primitive" to carry the baby with us at all times. Such behavior can be seen in tribal humans and less civilized societies. It has been argued that such behavior results in babies that are not fit to live in a higher developed society. :D But in my opinion, all babies are pretty primitive to begin with, so it makes sense not to force them to be smart and civilized as newborns.
When it comes to general development, I found data that carriers help the baby develop faster. Babies use their muscles more in a carrier compared to a carriage. Plus they see more from that higher position. Also, they are less stressed being so close to their parent. Altogether babies had quicker mental and physical development when they had been carried around in a carrier in stead of a stroller/carriage.
I have never looked at the carriage/carrier thing this way as you put it, but it makes sense. And carriage is also very good for carrying stuff :-) Like shopping you get done with your baby. I am not sure if you have read this stuff, but http://apollo.ee/product.php/0959204 and http://apollo.ee/product.php/0959266 (sorry for those folks reading this blog in English) are two very good books on this subject. First is about closeness with your baby (and carrying one around a lot fractures in a good deal) and another is about crying. A really insightful book well worth reading now and later and then again later.
ReplyDeleteAnd about carriers - I would give my vote to baby slings. Having had my firstborn with me on a long baby sling, there is no better thing :) I really would urge you to look into those as well as the "back-back type things". And as far as I believe of what I have read, infants are meant to be carried face towards you, its the toddlers etc whom you can place so that they face outward, but for tiny babies - facing towards mom is the safest (albeit boring :p) position to be considered.
Only thing that worried me a bit about your post is that you claim that you intend to give baby a lot of attention by holding her close to you but continuing at the same time to browse web or vacuum the floor - why to do you consider mental absence not to be as "sinful" as you paint the physical absence?
hi Pille. :)
ReplyDeletesorry I didn't reply sooner. It took days to notice this comment and when I finally replied to it, there was a technical problem - I pushed the "back" button by accident and everything was deleted.
I've read about baby slings (rõngaslina). Excellent stuff, except weight is unevenly distributed and many women complain of back ache caused by this. The time when it can be used is hence limited to only the very first months when the baby is very small. I have a notoriously bad back so it's probably not worth the investment.
There's also the long carrying cloth (kandelina). From what I've read, good backpack type carriers are just as good, and are easier to use. Besides, I mostly have the sneakers-and-gym-jacket clothing style. Sporty black carrier suits better than natural colorful cloth wrapped all around me. Plus this greatly increases the chance that my husband will also carry the kid around. :)
As for the mental absense... Simple physical cantact gives mental reassurance as well. Think of it like this - when you're home alone, it feels lonely, but when you know that your husband is in the other room (doing whatever) it feels less lonely. It gets even better when he joins you and you two can watch TV together (even if you're not talking). And when you're reading a book and he's right there watching TV with his hand on your sholder, casually playing with your hair, it makes a whole lot of difference. Somehow, even though he's not really paying attention to you (watching an exciting movie), physical contact gives the feeling of mental comfort and reassurance. (I home I didn't make too bold assumptions about your family life. That's just how it is with me and my husband. We are often seeking casual physical contact even after 6 years of being together.)
I think it will be the same for the baby. While the baby is in the carrier chewing on my hair, and I'm vaccuuming the floor, we have seperate activities, but the physical contact makes a world of difference.