Back to Life

The baby is a little over three weeks old so there is no longer any justification for sealing myself and my baby into the apartment. So the real test has finally begun - am I able to preserve anything resembling a LIFE as a parent.

The good news - I did not become depressed after giving birth! That might actually be the main reason for women to stop having fun. They are too depressed to enjoy life. Wouldn't it have been ironic if that had happened to me? I make a blog about having a life as a parent and then I give birth and I get so depressed I choose to avoid all people for weeks. Quite a life that would be...

The bad news - it really feels nice to take time off from work and not to deal with anything very complex. It feels TOO nice! Currently it feels so good to imagine I never have to use my brain ever again! Ah, wouldn't that be nice. After years and YEARS AND YEARS of university it feels relaxing to think that it's nap time, then feeding time, followed by diaper change, then time for entertaining an infant, and then nap time again. I wouldn't say that taking care of an infant is a vacation. That would be unfair towards all those stay-home-mothers who try so hard to be taken seriously. It is a job like any other. But compared to reading scientific articles and figuring out subtle nuances in plant stomatal reactions, I'd say that being a mother is a nice simple job that is pleasantly non-challenging mentally.

I have made a few decisions for my everyday life. Or actually more like rules of life. The most important one - shower every day! It's not "I might take a shower if it's very convenient and I really feel like it", the rule is "shower every day no matter what!". I find a time when the baby has just fallen asleep, I take the baby monitor with me and I go and take a shower. I make sure I'm all soapy as soon as possible. This way if she starts crying I'll have no choice but to finish showering first. Those are fifteen minutes well spent. If I let myself go and I'm all dirty and slouching on a couch then I won't want to see anyone, I won't even consider going out. But as long as I make an effort to look (and smell) decent, I'll think, "I already went through the trouble of looking neat, I might as well go outside as well. The main goal here is to be ready to meet people within 10 minutes at any time. Sometimes my morning shower is at 4 p.m. but shower-every-day is a rule I live by.

Another rule of life: find the time to see other people. During the first couple of weeks only very few people came here to see the baby. It was necessary because infants have such underdeveloped immune system. But as soon as the two weeks had passed, I invited some people over for a baby shower. In Estonia those are usually organized AFTER the baby is born. What a bunch of pessimists, right? Me and Erkki have a no-gift-toys-policy so people brought so many really nice pieces of clothing. Can't wait to try them on. One baby shower isn't really enough to protect me from becoming asocial, but I'm sure weekly role playing games will be a great help.

The no-gift-toys-policy is a good thing in a 2-room apartment with absolutely no storage space. Every toy must be in use nearly all the time! And a tiny baby doesn't really need many toys so each one should be carefully handpicked. On the weekend we all - me, Erkki and a sleeping baby in a carrier - went shopping and got the baby her first toy. Why buy a teddy bear when you can in stead buy a nearly neon-colored green-yellow-pink worm with huge round eyes on a disproportionally big and round head. That beats a teddy bear any day!

Back to the rules... Sometimes a stay-home-mother needs to get out. When it's sunny outside and I just really want to feel the wind on my face, I should never have to stay in and think, "but I can't go out. I'm a mommy now!". Being a mother just means it takes a little longer to get out of the apartent. About 10 minutes more time with the right equipment! First I get myself ready with the carrier, then I take one fed baby, add a pair of socks and a hat, then I pop her in the carrier and I'm ready to go. It actually takes less time to get out of the apartment than before because I can not procrastinate! If I wait too long she might get hungry again.

Another rule: sometimes the fresh parents need some alone time. I'm not talking about you-know-what. And I don't even mean the stolen two hours of baby nap time that can be used for an evening movie. Sometimes routinely me and Erkki just have to find a babysitter and get out of the apartment for a nice dinner or a movie. Can't have both. With such a young child it's good to plan for 2-3 hours at a time. We already started this new tradition with a Friday evening dinner in a gourmet restaurant. I had my first glass of alcohol - a glass of champagne (NOT sparkling wine) to celebrate our first child with Erkki. And then counted three hours until I fed the baby again. Fortunately that's exactly when her nap ended.

I was also planning to continue playing with XBox 360 when I'm home alone with my child but so far I haven't got around to that. I sleep/feed/entertain/change diapers/cradle to sleep until about noon, sometimes until about 2 or 3 p.m., then I take a shower and have my morning coffee and breakfast with online news and my daily googling sessions. And then I feed and entertain the baby again and before I know it, Erkki is already on the phone asking if I have any special requests for dinner. And before I know it, it's suddenly the weekend and the baby has outgrown another pile of clothes.

On a different note, the baby has been very fussy these past few days. She is outright impossible to please in the mornings but fortunately pretty tame in the evenings. That's probably why I have breakfast in the afternoon. It's frustrating when she wakes me too often in the morning but it mostly just means that I occasionally have to accept that I can't console her and I just hold a crying baby while I eat breakfast. I feel sorry for the neighbours and there's that little thought in the back of my head, "what if they think I'm a bad mother if the child cries so much.". I actually think I know what's causing the fussiness but I really need to try a couple of solutions before I know for sure. Everything is pointing toward the same problem and theoretically there's a way to fix it. And there is no way she isn't getting enough to eat so don't even consider it.