Tough Decision

Today my boss came to my desk and asked enthusiastically, "Would you like to go to Spain?". My first thought - WOOOHOOOOOO!!!! WIN! It's a scientific project to study a method and to do experiments. Certainly no easy task and it can't really be done in a hurry. Now here's the catch: it would last a month.

What's a month, really? It's just 30 days of blogging daily and having as much fun as possible so that I have something to blog about. That really is a good way to make sure I spend every day to it's fullest. I learned that when I went to San Diego two years ago for 6 weeks just before Christmas ( my San Diego travelogue); I barely made it back for Christmas Eve. It was just so cool. It was the best trip I've ever had and it was an experience that I remember very fondly. San Diego is an amazing place and I've never seen another place like it. Most similar is Los Angeles which I also visited when I was staying in San Diego.

Erkki will be okay, I'm sure. He'd have both xBox and iPad all to himself. He'd miss me and I'd miss him but one month just comes and goes. I have his support, either I decide to go or not, even though I'm sure he's really hoping that I stay.

But it's Spain! S P A I N! It's not like my supervisor is trying to send me to Lapland in the middle of winter. I'd be going to a warm place with palm trees.

I got the suggestion today (Friday) and I have to decide by Monday. I was quite confused with all my options and pluses and minuses and then I arrived home after being away for 8 hours. As I unlocked the door with my keys, I already heard a gleeful shriek from the apartment. I opened the door and Siiri was running towards me, her smile as wide as her face. She had abandoned all her toys the moment she heard me unlocking the door. I greeted her with hugs and felt sorrow.

Now I just don't know. I have a couple more days to decide. I'm sure I could work out the technicalities so that someone takes care of Siiri. It actually made me feel good about my importance when I realized that it would require a lot of extra effort from 4 people if I decide to go. Sadly, none of those people will replace "mommy" for Siiri. One moment I'm thinking, "I shouldn't go! Think how sad Siiri would otherwise be!" and an hour later I think "Of course I should go! If I have more children, such travels will be even harder if I have more sad children at home waiting for me.". I'm just bouncing between my options.

Of course I would miss Siiri and Erkki both. I'd talk with them on web cam as if everything is peachy and then go to sleep feeling very lonely and sad. But I'd also see wonderful new things, I'd meet new people, I'd experience completely new things. It would be an experience that makes my life more real, and myself more alive in it. It's a chance that I shouldn't pass up. My head is about to explode. ...I'll let you know what I decide.

I tried to finish up some important things in the lab but everything got tangled again and it still needs more work. I've been feeling spectacularly demotivated by it. I even took a couple of days off to spend with Siiri and found that we're both happier if I also work. I don't think the positive effect would be greater if I stay away for a whole month in stead of 8 hours.