I'm Pregnant

I haven't been quite honest with you. Or, more precisely, there's something I haven't told you - I'm pregnant. Currently it's barely less than 7 weeks and I know most people wait until they're walking around with a "basketball" under their shirt before they start hinting that they MIGHT be pregnant. That's so unlike me. Even the 3-week waiting time made me uneasy as if I have a big secret that I was really anxious to share. I had decided that I'll at least wait until after the doctor's appointment before I announce it on the Internet but after a while even that seemed exaggerated. I knew I couldn't be more pregnant with all the pregnancy symptoms and those three positive home tests. Yes, three! I had to be sure.

I don't know if it's a boy or a girl, I don't know if it's healthy or even viable. It's still so early in the pregnancy. However I do know that if something does go wrong, I don't want that to be my personal huge secret problem that no one even knows about.

If old wives tales mean anything then it's a boy. Mostly because I've been feeling my fair share of nausea this time around. With Siiri I had none of that. I'm also super tired all the time. It was only a couple of months ago when Erkki often came to remind me at 2 a.m. that it's getting kinda late and I hadn't even noticed. Now he often finds me asleep in front of Mass Effect (Xbox game) at 12 already and sometimes even earlier. I can't remember such exhaustion during my previous pregnancy, not even at 9 months pregnant.

Unfortunately this exhaustion isn't just physical. I'm having a really hard time focusing at work. It almost feels like I've had a concussion. Everything's in a blur and I just want to sleep. Mhh... Nausea is also one of the symptoms of concussion. At least I don't feel nauseous all the time. I feel a bit queasy in the first half of the day but quite okay after that. It's like that every day. When I pack my lunch in the morning I always think that I won't eat it and I wish I had something more appetizing to take with me, but during lunchtime I eat all of it and I'm sorry I didn't pack more food.

In the meanwhile, Siiri keeps getting wiser. She learns 2-3 new words in a day, although she can't remember all of them the next day. I also count the words that sound odd. Yesterday Siiri stepped in front of me and said, "Kaii". I asked, "käsi?" (Eng. hand) because she had her arms stretched out, but she seemed confused, and repeated, "Kaii!". I tried to figure out what she was pointing at: "Käsi? Lagi? Laud?(Eng. hand, ceiling, table) I'm sorry honey, I don't understand what you're trying to say." She gave up and started to walk away somewhat disappointed. Then I realized - she can't say the letter L and this was her version of "kalli" (Eng. hug). I quickly said, "hug! You were saying hug. Of course you can give me a hug!" and she stretched out her arms, ran back and gave me a hug. Adorable.

One time I was giving her a bubble bath. She sat there in the middle of a mountain of foam and toys and I was pouring water on her hair. Water level rose too high so I started to scoop out water and throwing it in the shower. Siiri panicked and tried to stop me, shouting "Whale! Whale!" (She says "aaaa" with specific intonation which stands for vaal, one of her favorite bath toys). I asked her, "Where is whale?". She sobbed and with a panicky look in her eyes pointed firmly toward the shower. I laughed and found her toy under the bath foam and gave it to her. After that she let me continue scooping water.

As time goes on Siiri's personality is more and more clear. She is a very daring person - she likes to try things that slightly scare her. She doesn't like being too close to Roomba when it's working but Siiri sometimes confronts her fear and hurries past Roomba simply for the challenge. She's also very careful. She rarely does anything dangerous after we've warned her of the dangers. She likes order. She sometimes insists that her letter cards would be put neatly in a symmetrical pattern. She's quite social and straightforward but that might just be age-related. She still doesn't feel comfortable around other children but I haven't had time to do much about it yet. I think she'll also somewhat grow out of it so I don't want to push her too hard. I can see Siiri as someone who stands up for her rights at any moment but only if she gets used to children her age.

We have raised Siiri to be independent and now it's becoming a blessing and a curse. It's not a problem for her to spend some time playing on her own. Yesterday I accidentally fell asleep for 2 hours and Siiri was just playing with her toys, rearranging the laundry basket in the living room, watching cartoons from youtube and doing whatever and seemed quite happy with her own time. But it's a curse because she doesn't want to be told what she should do. I don't like it when she spends much time watching cartoons, but sometimes she outright insists, "Paa! Siia." (iPad, here). I do understand that when something is important then no means no, but I'm not even sure it's such an important thing to forbid. It's almost like taking away her Legos because I want her to play spend time drawing in stead. I think the issue is not worth much drama and tears so I just distract her and offer an alternative activity. Still I kind of like that she has strong will even in issues that make my life more difficult. Strong-willed is always better than an obedient tag-along. She'll have much greater chance at success and happiness if we manage to raise her to be caring and respectful towards other people.

If the second kid is anything similar to Siiri, I'll consider myself a very lucky person.