Victory!

Our baby has six teeth! Four upper middle teeth and two lower middle teeth. She was unhappy during the night and in the morning but by late afternoon she was glowing and playful again. She is no longer in horrible pain.

So finally - FINALLY - we get to continue with our plans to get baby to fall asleep without cradling. We had been making preparations for a week, introducing a better bedtime routine and figuring out what nap times Siiri likes the best. There's this book that's called, "Sleep sense". It's been a true hype in the baby forum I read. One mother had a lot of success with it and she told others about it. They all lined up to ask questions and to read the book. I wasn't sleeping much (baby teething, as you already know) so I was very curious to find out more. I got the e-book and started reading it.

The first question was: is it a controlled crying method or is it soft and baby-friendly. The author carefully explains that most babies do indeed protest if you try to change their sleep habits but it's okay not to give in to the protesting. I wholeheartedly agreed. Kids protest all the time. Being a good parent doesn't always involve giving in to children's whims and moods. Sometimes a parent has to decide what's best in the long run. Besides, Siiri is already 8 months old. She's not a little baby anymore. A little crying won't hurt her.

Me and Erkki started raising her with a clear vision that a baby shouldn't be left alone to cry. When she's crying, she needs our help. And if we can't help, she needs our consolation and hugs. Now that she's not so little anymore, I worry much less about her crying. If I'm in the middle of something, I'm much more inclined to finish my task before I pick her up for comfort. I've never timed it but it feels like a really long time that she's crying nearby and I tell her, "I'll be there soon. I'll just finish (whatever it is I'm doing)". Also, there have been times that I wake up in the middle of the night, I hear her crying and I think, "I'm on my way." and I just fall asleep! And twenty minutes later I wake up again and she's still crying. My crying-response threshold must really have gone down if Siiri sometimes cries over 20 minutes and I don't even go to pick her up.

Anyway, it shouldn't take much crying because Siiri is occasionally able to fall asleep without assistance. Usually, though, she needs us to cradle her until she's nearly asleep. As she becomes more aware of her surroundings it's harder and harder for her to fall asleep. This means we have to cradle her with great effort. We can't keep cradling her until she goes to kindergarten. Sooner or later she is going to have to learn to fall asleep on her own. I'd rather it be sooner!

This sleep training book gives options for either staying in the room with your crying child or waiting outside the room and simply going in and calming them down once every 5 to 10 minutes. We decided outside is better. When our baby has fallen asleep on her own she has always been alone in there, playing and talking with The Worm. 6 minutes seemed like a nice amount of time to wait. We did her bedtime routine: a brief wash, change of clothes, breastfeeding, read a story while letting her chew on her toothbrush. That's the only way she lets us wash her teeth. She was nearly asleep but then started asking to be breastfed asleep. (That's when she says her version of "mommy" and gives a specific choppy cry.).

We didn't let that bother us much because I had no intention of enforcing this recent habit of being breastfed until asleep. She was unhappy that we didn't respond so she started to cry in a more determined way. Then she cried even louder until I started fidgeting. "A little crying won't hurt her", I said out loud and then added doubtfully, "right?" . People had often told me that it's okay to let the child cry for a little while and that it's even good for the baby. Then Siiri started to cry hysterically. That's a rare occasion. "We should go in there and pick her up!". Erkki reminded me that it won't work unless we stick to the plan. I completely agreed - it had been mostly my idea and I wanted to follow it through. I looked at my watch. Siiri had been crying only 2 minutes!!!

When 6 minutes had passed, I finally went in and calmed baby down, which took LONGER than 6 minutes. I decided this isn't working. I'm usually able to calm her down within seconds and it rarely takes more than a minute. She was so stressed from that brief experience that when Erkki had cradled her to sleep she was still sobbing a little. And to think that some children cry for two hours before they finally fall asleep from exhaustion. It can take weeks for the child to go to sleep without "protesting". Siiri has never cried much. I definitely don't imagine letting her cry like THAT every day for weeks.

So much for quick sleep training programs. I do still recommend the book "Sleep Sense" by Dana Obleman because I got a lot of good advice about preparing a child for nighttime. Too bad this sleep program isn't right for our family. I will simply change Siiri's habits little by little until she's able to fall asleep without my assistance.

Oh, you might have assumed that the title of this post (Victory) was about teaching Siiri to fall asleep. Naaah, it was only about that 6th tooth.