Math Fails

As it turns out, math is useless after all. Despite the fact that 2+1+1+1+2=7, I certainly DO NOT feel like I've got 7 hours of sleep. Feels more like three. What a pity - I actually liked math! Now I'm in a total daze - much worse than my usual daze...

---This is the time when baby interrupted blog post about 5 times. Hours went by and morning turned into evening.---

I waited two and a half hours for baby to become sleepy again and then went back to sleep for a little while. It appears baby is on strike: she is refusing to eat. It's a common phase - most babies go through it some time during 2nd-4th month. They refuse to eat during the day but are perfectly happy to eat during the night when they are sleepy. Last night she woke me up once an hour, each time acting hungrier than she's been in weeks. She ate like there was no tomorrow. And during the following day she barely ate at all. She just wouldn't eat even when hungry. She cried and flailed around.

I can tell she's ready to repeat last night. Usually she has several meals during the evening and then she sleeps at least 5 hours straight. Now I got her to eat once barely before her long sleep. She has woken up about 6 times in the last two hours asking for food. I guess she'd sleep better if I would feed her but I won't. If she want to eat she'd better do it when I'm not trying to sleep. I can handle one feeding per night but she certainly doesn't need to eat more than that. Basically it's tough love - I will stay up all night if I have to and I will cradle her asleep even if she wakes up once every 10 minutes but I will only feed her at 5 a.m. Hence I'm not expecting to sleep a whole lot tonight. In the morning today I felt so sleepy that I'm willing to do nearly anything to prevent this from becoming a habit for my kid.

It's funny how time just passes by. I'm convinced breastfeeding is partly to blame. Sometimes I finish my coffee and I'm feeling quite awake and then I feed the baby and I'm ready to fall asleep right there and then. It's like a whooosh of sleepiness. It's comfortable kind of exhausting. It feels like a nice bath after a long workout or like sitting by the fireplace after a cold winter day. Sometimes I don't notice it so much but I still end up feeling like I just want to sit and watch TV for a while. The day becomes such a daze. I don't even notice days passing. Makes me slightly worried about going back to school in September but to be honest, my current situation feels barely fulfilling. It's nice and all but it just passes by with so little to remember. Baby is cute and constantly learning new stuff but that's not my doing. I just keep her company while she does the learning. I actually think I'd rather be all stressed and struggling to keep up than realizing that another month has went by and I barely even noticed.

Well it's not entirely true that it all passes by. From recent weeks I remember two events. One time I went pubbing with friends and another time I went to a birthday party while Erkki or Erkki's parents kept an eye on the baby at home. Both times were precisely planned so I could have a little alcohol. Those two events felt like I could finally just relax. We've had so many social events at home where I just have to take short breaks to feed the baby in the other room (I'm not ready to flash my friends yet so I prefer to feed in private). Still it seems like when I'm near the baby I constantly think abut what she's doing, does she need my help, should I pick her up, how long will she be able to entertain herself. I'm just unable to stop thinking about her needs so I can't really relax unless I'm nowhere near her. I decided I shouldn't drink more than about twice a month but such events give surprisingly much energy.

Baby Update: She didn't have a 3rd month doctor's appointment so she was measured at home. Baby weighs 6,5kg (accuracy 0,1kg) and is 61,5cm long. Her 700g weight gain is much less than I expected, but nothing to be alarmed about since it's over 500g. I think weight gain slowed down because baby usually eats only once during the night. Also my exercising might reduce her weight gain a little because it messes up the feeding pattern for 2 days each week.

Damn I gotta write more often because now the cool new things that have happened are actually feeling more like old news to me. Baby learned to hold her head very high, almost to the point of raising her chest. I got a suggestion from a forum that I should make sure her hands are "above" her head and not on her side. So next time in stomach position I pulled her hands out from under her shoulders and baby suddenly raised her head straight up. I'm very proud of her for making it in time for her 3-month birthday.

Now I'm going to mentally prepare myself for a lot of pacing back and forth the room to avoid feeding the baby when she's supposed to be sleeping. It could be a really long night ahead of me.