Surprise!

Today was another exercise day so I was quite prepared for a hellish morning. Yet today was different. She slept ideally - woke up at 5 a.m. and then already at 9 a.m. Many women could only dream of this pattern and I'm sure they wouldn't even dare dream that their baby has this eating schedule before 3 months of age. My day was just as calm - my kid just kept on sleeping. She slept so much that I assumed her body could be healing from a cold I barely even noticed. Because really - if a child sneezed the air was dry but if she sneezes a few times it could be a minor cold.

Well anyway, the kid slept so much that I didn't mind holding her almost the entire time she was awake. Evening came and I had lots of energy for exercising. I didn't hold back with the kicks and punches and had a great time. The surprise came when I called Erkki for a routine "What else do we need from the store and how is Siiri doing?". Erkki said, "Come home as soon as you can because she won't take the bottle." I was dumbfounded - what do you mean she won't take the bottle?! I fed her before I left home but I had been gone for nearly 3 hours (damn gym for being so far away) and Siiri usually has 1-2 meals during this time. She must be totally starving.

Siiri had been giving the hungry-signs for a long time but when Erkki warmed up the milk and offered it to her she just wouldn't eat. The bottle that has been perfectly good for a long time was now unacceptable. Siiri spent quite some time crying - at least only sadly, not hysterically - and when I finally got home, she was the happiest breastfeeding child ever. She ate for the longest time and pretended to eat long after she was already full. She then proceeded to happily chat and giggle and when I started to cover up she quickly continued eating, "I'm not done yet".

This gave me an odd sense of pride and it made me feel so pleasantly needed. My baby needs ME. I can not be replaced by a mere bottle. She loves me and notices when I'm not nearby. All this gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling, I love you too baby. For the rest of the evening I spent any moment I could spare holding her and even when I put her in bed I was ready to pick her up again at the first hint of crying. I had felt a little like a milk-machine and I had felt like it was my duty as a mother to spend time entertaining and holding Siiri. Not an unpleasant duty, but a duty nevertheless. Now it has all changed. I am an irreplaceable comfort to Siiri. Even though I intellectually knew this before, it's only know that I realize it gives me joy. It's nice to be irreplaceable for such a cute little creature with those beautiful sincere eyes.

It's nice to have those warm and fuzzy feelings but I really REALLY hope it was a one-time occurrence. I would really regret to stop exercising and it will be really difficult to go back to the laboratory in September if Siiri won't eat from a bottle. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.