Time Is Ticking Away

What does a 2-year-old with a growth spurt demand at 3 a.m. in the middle of bed time? The correct answer is, "Lets go to the kitchen right now and eat ALL food!". And that's after a solid lunch, plenty of snacks, a nice dinner and some more fruits and bread. Lately Siiri gets so hungry all the time that she can hardly stay asleep without demanding food. When she wakes up and talks half in her sleep, she says things like, "Both cookies! I want to eat both cookies! Give them to me!" or "Porridge... Porridge... Now make me porridge." Fortunately there's no shortage of food and her increased appetite is mostly just interesting and funny. It isn't good for her sleep, but I'm on maternity leave and Erkki has a vacation so it's still easy to get a lot of rest.

As you might have notices, I used full sentences to describe what Siiri says. That's no mistake. She speaks really well. Sure she simplifies things and occasionally invents new grammar, but she's quite creative with that. She has trouble with letters v and r and she substitutes those with whatever sounds almost correct. There are a couple of things though - first, she still can't tell who's "me" or who's "you". If she says "I'll sit on the floor", she wants me to sit there and if she says "You want to drink water too" then she is asking for water. I try to correct her but it's so easy to get used to it and to stop noticing the mistake. The second thing is that she still repeats word endings. In stead of saying "Emmega" (emme-ga = with mommy), she sometimes says "Emmegagagagaga". One 3-year-old in the play-field kinda commented that chickens make that sound. It wasn't easy to completely ignore it but I decided that reacting to it in any way would make it seem like a big deal when it's just something that will probably pass in a few months. I've never been to kindergarten so I have no idea what's the "cool" reaction to such a comment and what Siiri should do when she's on her own.

My pregnancy is really... uhm... how to best describe it... HEAVY! It's like carrying one of those military backpacks with me all the time. I can't really take the weight off for a little while so it feels like living with one of those military backpacks on me at all times. I'm just really glad Siiri can walk up and down the stairs. I'm less satisfied that I can't teach the 10kg baby stroller to walk up and down the stairs. "Pull your own damn weight you dumb stroller". But nooooo... I still have to carry it up to the fourth floor with all the extra weight that I already am carrying. Bringing the stroller is still a good idea when I go on a longer walk with Siiri, because then I don't have to worry about carrying Siiri home when she does get too tired. She has amazing endurance and she can walk 3 km on her own feet on a good day but I wouldn't want to force her to do it when she's not up to it.

Yesterday I had my final ultrasound. It's two weeks to deadline and her current weight seems to be 3400g. That's as much as Siiri was when she was born. The scary thing is that babies grow 200g each week in this stage. So if I go two weeks overdue she could be 4200g. The weight calculation from ultrasound can be 500g wrong to either side. I could be positive and say that she's only around 3 kg now and ends up being 3400 when she's born on due date. Or I could be grim and think that she's already 3900g and will be ENORMOUS 4 weeks from now.

So only two weeks left. I really can't decide if I'm ready to start all the fun ways of naturally inducing birth or if I'm terrified of the birth starting at any moment. Trying to trigger birth seems very tempting because it would give me control over the situation and the entire thing would feel less random. On the other hand, if I do manage to trigger it, I'm gonna have to give birth sooner and am I really sure I want that? But then again, do I want it to end up being enormous once it's born? With all those thoughts circling in my head I'm starting to feel panicky every time I feel the baby's head nudge downward. At least she seems to feel quite okay, despite running out of room lately. Fortunately she's much less aggressive than Siiri was. She stretches in directions where she finds it most roomy while Siiri got really excited with games like, "I bet I can push those ribs out of my way if I try hard enough.".

I find it amazing how widespread herbal medicine is in Estonia. It all traces back to natural paganistic beliefs in my opinion. While people in the USA believe in the Pill, spending lots of money on all sorts of pills from real medicine to cheap vitamin pills, people in Estonia go to the pharmacy to select which herbs cure their ailments. It's commonly known in Estonian birth forums that Wild Thyme (Latin: Thymus serpyllum; Estonian: nõmm-liivatee) eases childbirth by relaxing smooth muscle tissue. It's also the reason why it's an excellent cough medicine and usually used for that. In foreign websites wild thyme is among the herbs to avoid during pregnancy because "it might cause contractions" but Estonians are pretty much convinced that it does the opposite and makes contractions less intense while still speeding up delivery. It kind of makes sense. Being relaxed in childbirth makes the entire experience less painful and the process much more efficient. And it's not like I'd be taking some untested medicine, right? It's just some plant...

It's not only the freaky natural-birth-promoting pregnant ladies who promote the use of wild thyme during labor. It's also certified pharmacists and childbirth consultants. I walked into a pharmacy and I had forgot the name of the herb so I vaguely described "some tea that women drink during labor." Two pharmacists immidiately knew what I'm talking about, took me to the right shelf and told me it's perfectly safe for pregnant women and for maximum benefit it's good to start drinking it a couple of weeks before due date. This labor-promoting effect isn't even written on the package. They just knew it. Wild thyme was sold next to a wide selection of herbs and herb mixes labeled, "Reduces insomnia", "Lowers fever", "Relaxes", etc. It's as if herbs are a completely valid method for self-medication. I do believe the best herbs are more helpful than homeopathy which is just water in a bottle and certainly less creepy than Chinese medicine with it's insect powder for female sexuality and dried male urine powder for men before Viagra was invented.

I've already packed the hospital bag and I sorted all the baby clothing but there is still so many little things I want to get done before the baby arrives. I feel somewhat nervous as if I'm preparing for some huge event that ends an era - something like a huge exam that finishes the course. Or perhaps more like high school exams because after university exams there would be time for relaxing on your summer break but the end of high school is the time to grow up and be more responsible with your life. Childbirth, just as high school graduation, ends and era and begins another one. We'll see if it's a positive change or not but it will definitely be progress.

PS! If I do suddenly start giving birth, I'll try to post something about it because I really doubt it will happen very fast. In any case, if you suddenly hear that I'm in the hospital and you're wondering whether you should visit me, I'll make it simple: the answer is probably "no" . There are a couple of close relatives who are welcome to call us and then visit us, but from earlier experience, I'll probably be really exhausted, using every moment to sleep, and every waking moment to try to feed the baby and to eat something. Plus there's the risk of infection for both me and the baby. I usually have excellent constitution but I certainly didn't feel very healthy after last time. And no point in bringing us any flowers because they will probably be placed to the general TV area in the hospital. Erkki is allergic to most pollen and I wouldn't want any flowers near a newborn. I'll have my phone with me, probably on silent mode most of the time so I can just respond to calls when it's convenient for me. Okay, that's all.