Obligations Calling

I've mentioned that I barely feel pregnant. Well, sometimes I actually forget I'm pregnant. Like one time when I was walking along the street... I was thinking, "Ah, I don't like this jacket. It makes me feel PREGNANT! ... Oh! I am!". And when I sit, I sometimes get really surprised that my dress suddenly gets so tight around my stomach. When I close my eyes and picture myself, I don't see the baby belly. It's like the thing with phantom limbs - after an amputation the patient still feels like she has all her limbs. Well even though I have all that extra BABY BULGING OUT I still feel like it's just me with a relatively flat belly.

But yeah, as I've probably mentioned, the illusion is immediately broken when I pass a mirror.

I'm just glad I don't have stretch marks yet. 90% of women get stretch marks from pregnancy so I really think it's a question of WHEN rather than IF. Mhh, I don't think I've ever noticed stretch marks on my mother though and she has 8 children. She was really tiny when she first got pregnant so it seems a wonder that a child fit there and didn't leave a mark. She was also still thin after 8 children. I'm glad to have her genes!

I've read stretch marks are genetic because it depends on skin structure. This would mean that I shouldn't worry about stretch marks because of my mom but there's something else... I actually do have some minor discrete stretch marks from past weight fluctuations. I'll probably get new ones during pregnancy. I got those when I didn't pay enough attention to health, I didn't drink enough liquids and I ate too much. I'm just hoping that healthy eating and regular consumption of water will make a difference. I read that some pregnant women wake up one morning and the tummy is COVERED with red lines. No warning! Oh I really hope I'm not one of those women.

....

Actually I'm procrastinating.

...

I'm trying to find ways not to mention that I've been a bad girl (no weird thoughts, please). Actually I don't think I'm back in my normal life rhythm at all. You see, I had a really busy life about 3 months ago. I exercised twice a week, I had two group role playing games (Dungeons and Dragons) per week, I had two long driving school lectures and on average one driving practice lesson. I spend all my day in the lab and my evening doing all those things. I went out partying almost every week. Then I spent 6 weeks abroad. Before I left I made sure that I don't have too much unfinished business so now I came back and I have a really hard time getting back in the busy rhythm.

I still think of myself as having a fairly busy life, but now I don't do half those things. I still have two games per week and I go to the lab but I don't exercise and I don't go to driving classes. My exercise center closed down and I have to find a new place. But I don't want a new place! I liked that one! It was conveniently close and it was on my way from the laboratory to home. None of the other places is in such a good place. Well maybe they're OK too, but it actually takes a lot of initiative to enter a totally new situation and to find my way in an unfamiliar environment. It will be better after the first time though. I've been postponing it and I can feel my muscles slowly getting too relaxed. Pretty soon it will affect my posture and then I will get back aches. It's a cycle I go through. I have to get back to gym A.S.A.P.!

The other thing is driving school. The theory ended just before I went abroad but now I have to finish the practice lessons, and I have to do the theory and practice exams. But first I have to ignore that I am really afraid of cars and traffic. I have to forget that I get REALLY tense in the practice classes and half the lessons culminate with the teacher telling me I'm either deaf or blind. And now I have to gather all the initiative and willpower I have to call the guy voluntarily and say that I want to make an appointment for a driving lesson. Whoopie-doo! I don't quite like lying, so I've been postponing that a little...

And I should make an appointment to the dentist. We all love those, don't we? We just happily pick up the phone and make an appointment. And then we actually show up and sit in that chair looking at all those REALLY SCARY HORRIBLE GADGETS ()and we smile to the dentist and say, "good morning". Heh. I actually don't even have any tooth aches. It's just that pregnant women get some extra dental health benefits and it's about time I had a routine dental check-up.

I'm also getting quite stressed. It appears I have to do many classes in the next semester if I don't want to take a break from PhD studies. Also I'm trying to write my first scientific article before I give birth and now it seems my experiments are having some complications that I didn't foresee. 15 weeks remaining. Starting to seem pretty hopeless.