"It will be so hard!"

There's something that has been bugging me for a while now, since the first moment I started telling people I'm pregnant. Well, in theory, when you're doing something new, it always helps to have someone nearby helping you figure out how it's gonna be. Or is it really?

I have encountered many situations where people with kids do their very best to tell me, and then remind me over and over again, that having kids is horribly awfully terribly difficult. Thanks a bunch. I naively told my colleague that I'm pregnant and had a conversation with him about parenting because I knew he has 2 kids. Surprisingly, he let out a malicious laugh and told me, "Kids want a lot of attention and they don't let you sleep at night." He then proceeded to tell me about kids getting ill, now expensive kids are, etc. Suddenly someone called me, "congratulations on the pregnancy! By the way, start looking for a babysitter now because those are really hard to find!". I found it odd being 5 weeks pregnant and still shaky from the positive test result.

Did it end there? I wish. I talked with a non parent friend looking for a more positive response and told him about my pregnancy. He said, "Good luck. Kids make such a mess! And I hope you like changing diapers!". Actually I don't, but thanks for reminding me. Another non-parent encouraged me, "You're pregnant? Such good news! Although you'll never sleep again!". The quotes go on and on. People with kids love telling me how hard parenting really is and people without kids get freaked just by the thought of having kids so they try to warn others.

Reason I'm talking about it. This blog post is partly dedicated to my older sister who has two sons. Hi sis! She dedicated a section in a blog post to me - the section describing hoe her kids just wouldn't fall asleep all night. One kept yelling and running around, the other persisted that he wanted to sleep in some other room. Of all things to dedicate to a pregnant woman, she and her husband chose this. Does it surprise me? No, not at all. Apparently every pregnant woman has to accept the mindset that kids are a horrible pain in the ass.

The point is that people with children love to show that parenting is really hard - no non-parent would ever understand how hard it is. If the parent makes mistakes it's OK because parenting is such a difficult task altogether and if the parent succeeds, they have done something really amazing. Parents all around me are happy to hear that someone else is joining their terrible hardship and the first dialogue about it always contains a warning or two. I think they actually want young mothers to fail a little during the first month, so the young mother can come asking for advice, "Oh great master, you are so wise and you have raised such wonderful children. I'm so tired and it's so hard! How did you succeed so wonderfully, teach me!". But the point is that everyone fails a little during their first month so young confused mothers just suck up all that negativity - "they warned that it will be difficult and it really is".

I've noticed the tendency that whenever I ask about parenting in general, people tell me how hard it is. It hope that noticing it is half the victory already because now I can try to block it out. Yet, although I'm used to it, it kinda makes me angry. Just think of the consequences of this. Why should people start parenting with the notion that it will be hard and they will never sleep and there will be icky goo everywhere, no money, no babysitters, no free time. If I took them seriously, would I even want to have a kid? Ever?

I really like comparisons and examples. Lets say I want to take up football and I talk with my football-playing friend, "I'm taking up football, tell me about the game!" and they reply, "Oh it's really difficult. You'll have to run all the time and then sometimes it starts raining during the game and you get all wet and cold, and then there's mud on the field and you get all dirty. One time the ball hit my jaw so that it hurt to chew for a week.". You listen to the reply, go home and put up an advertisement: Football Shoes for Sale. And now I ask a rhetorical question - Why do you think abortion rate is so high? Could it have anything to do with the perception that kids equals sleepless nights, diapers, yelling, crying, expenses and other kind of hardship?

But people don't say they regret having children, so there must be something they're not telling us and I think I know what that is - the big parent's secret is that kids are actually fun to have around. Kids are like the perfect addition in life, something that never gets old (although they literally do get old eventually). They're full of ideas and fresh thoughts and they're always more important than a pet or gym classes or video games or music CDs or whatever. People would be sad to lose a pet but devastated to lose a child. But why?! Child costs more! And usually makes more of a mess! And takes years to potty-train. And makes more noise. Actually, if there was a dog even half as horrible as kids are said to be, it would be put to sleep no questions asked.

Moral of today's post - Parenting people, stop telling people how hard parenting is! It's bullshit and you know it! Tell people how the child is more important than any pet you've ever had and gives more joy than any music concert or video game ever could!

And some brighter news - I had my second ultrasound. It's a girl, looks as healthy as she possibly could and has actually grown one week ahead of her time. Size is 22 weeks in stead of 21 weeks. She seems to have my husband's nose - sharp prominent nose - and my chin. Slept through half the thing but then woke up to move a little. Technician said her hand movement looks very graceful. I wouldn't be able to tell with a wobbling thing in a confined space. I think she looked kinda cute and I just loved the dazed grin on my husband's face. He's gonna adore the child.