". Amazing indeed.To be honest, baby's crying isn't very annoying when I know what's causing it and I know I can help the kid. For example, when me and Erkki give her a bath, she screams her lungs out!
We are somewhat smirking and talking in a calm voice, "I know you don't like being wet, but bear with us. It'll be over soon.". This kind of crying isn't very upsetting because once she's in a dry towel she's already way more quiet, and once she starts to eat after bath she will be happy again. Or at least content after such indescribable wet torture.A couple of days ago I was Googling alcohol and breastfeeding. I've always liked a glass or two every once in a while. Well, okay, I admit I probably drank too often before I got pregnant and temporary abstinence from alcohol was probably good for me.
Still I'm truly against religious non drinking. Okay there are people who dislike the taste of alcohol and there are people who dislike feeling even a little under the influence of alcohol - those people I understand. What I REALLY HATE is when nondrinkers think that non drinking is the only moral choice. When I was researching alcohol and breastfeeding I ended up reading a forum where one woman asked how to have a couple of glasses so that it's safe for her baby. She was asking how fast the alcohol leaves her milk and whether she should pump & dump after a glass of wine. The majority of replies were written by people with no lives. 
"Why do you HAVE TO DRINK at all?", "When you got pregnant, you should have known you can't have ANY alcohol for a long time!", "Are you an alcoholic or something?", "I wouldn't risk drinking at all!", "Raising a child requires you to give up parties and alcohol!", "You shouldn't have had kids if you're not mature enough to be a parent."As you can guess, I was furious. What the hell does partying and alcohol have to do with being a good parent?! Well I wouldn't get wasted when I'm supposed to take care of an infant and I wouldn't breastfeed after drinking alcohol but why on earth should I give up partying? And should I stop breastfeeding altogether to have an occasional gin and tonic? It seems that the general view indeed states that once you become a parent your life is over. This is unacceptable for me. Very few of my friends have children. And since me and Erkki are surrounded by non-parents, we would actually have to turn our backs to almost all our friends if we followed such forum advice.
I have been hovering as a sober outsider for such a long time as it is. I really feel that being unable to really join my friends during parties makes it gradually less and less meaningful to even show up. I've haven't had a glass of cider in months. I haven't had a Galliano Hot Shot. I haven't even had a good refreshing glass of mulled wine during Christmas.
I once had one guilt-ridden 150 ml glass of apple-cinnamon hot drink with 1-2% alcohol content. Do you even realize how long 9 months lasts? It was AUGUST when I got pregnant and it's almost summer again! Imagine a doctor prescribing antibiotics for a month! No alcohol for four weekends. Now imagine the no-alcohol obligation lasting for NINE months. And now imagine it's followed by 6-8 months of breastfeeding. That is certainly enough time to alienate me from all my friends and to turn me into a boring no-life mommy.I know I've ranted about alcohol in my blog before as well. Then I was just bitching about how tedious it is to see everyone else having fun and to be limited to a choice of water, juice or non-alcoholic beer. Well this time I have an even better reason to bitch! There is medically no reason why I wouldn't be allowed to pump milk in the morning and leave it to a babysitter, then go enjoy a party with a couple of drinks soon after I arrive there and then go back home sober to be able to breastfeed again. And I am furious at any opinion which states that I'm automatically a bad parent for wanting to continue to take part in social events with my friends.
There is definitely strong social pressure for all mothers to become a no-life homely hen with no friends. And if I was a weaker person it would happen to me too. I'd call blogging my weekly "conversation" with people and I would write about how WE grew our first tooth and how WE formulated our first intelligent sentence.
On another note... Me and Erkki took the kid to our family doctor's office to have her weighed on Wednesday.
She weighed 3470g, which means she has exceeded her birth weight (3382g) even earlier than textbook norm. It shows! She's gone from slender big-eyes to round-cheeked sleepy.Erkki's 10-day fatherhood-vacation ended today so it was my first day alone with the kid. Seems I managed just fine. The kid was awake longer than usual and not in the best of moods. I tried playing her the song Over the Rainbow but the sad slow tune was upsetting for her. Then I played her Queen of the Damned movie soundtrack and rocked her to sleep. Cool baby with a nice choice for lullabies!
Agreed there are way too many restrictions on women when they are pregnant and then again once the baby is born. If you want to consume alcohol occassionally but know for sure that nothing is being passed onto baby you should try Milkscreen. It is an at home test to detect alcohol in breast milk www.milkscreen.com
ReplyDeleteBest of luck to you and your precious baby.
Just a teasing question for discussion's sake: does alcohol equal life&friends? If not drinking alcohol = no-life homely hen with no friends? Depends on the concept of life, I guess.
ReplyDeleteKatrin, slightly amused
P.S. I am by no means saying you couldn't have a glass of wine every now and then :) I am just refusing to admit to having no life and no friends, virtually non-drinker as I am. It somehow seemed to be quite a generalization. Perhaps I misunderstood and you were just talking about your personal potential life.
Btw, congratulations for and good luck with the new stage in your lives :) I hope it will continue to be as rosy as it has been so far.
Ach, I remember - I promised to look through our baby stuff for some particular garments; sorry, I just did it and found out that the possible ones that you would like (small enough etc) are made of the kind of fabric Erkki hates. I can go shopping for you, though, if you'd like.
And did you find any practical advice about alcohol? As far as I could remember, it takes about 2h for alcohol to get to the breastmilk, so actually it is best to drink right before breastfeeding, then feed, then by the time the actual alcohol hits you, baby will be blissfully full ;) The milkscreen provides slightly different info, but anyway, the alcohol will get to bloodstream later than it gets down to your mouth.
ReplyDeleteBeing a cider-appreciater and wine-lover myself, I do appreciate your concern about alcohol. However, if hanging out with your friends only makes sense if you do what they do, then maybe you should consider doing more varied things with your friends :)? Just that we have also a number of friends who are not parents. We have moved our play-nights to take place in our home, where we eat, drink (various alcoholic and non-alcoholic stuff), have lots of fun and lots to do while I don't feel that I miss out even if I can't have my glass of cider or wine with them.
Alcohol is a big part of what I do with my friends because we regularly get together almost every week (at least every other week) and watch movies or just celebrate something. And over the course of the evening, people drink some alcohol. The amount isn't very big and people always remain civilized but it's still part of the evening activities. Katrin, I wouldn't say that alcohol=life, but in my case it's a significant part of the joined activity with my friends. It's not a problem to skip alcohol every once in a while but being the sober observer at a every single party becomes very old very quickly.
ReplyDeleteFrom what I read on the Internet - if the alcohol is in the blood, it's also in the milk. And if the person gets sober their milk becomes clean. I also read, "if you're sober enough to drive you're sober enough to breastfeed". So I was thinking that I'll ask a friend to bring an alcometer with him so I can make sure I'm practically sober when I go home from a party. And just as a precaution, I won't start experimenting until the baby's digestive system and liver are a bit more advanced - perhaps in a couple of weeks or maybe even over a month from now. If the party is worth it, I'll give it a try.
Alcometer tests alcohol content in your breath, not in your blood. These two can have quite different values. (Whoever told the story about a man who blew into the alcometer some 0.4 per milles, demanded a blood test and ended up with several per milles? I think it was on 3 May or sth...)
ReplyDeleteOh, then I guess I'm better off counting classes and counting hours after consumption. I doubt I'll be able to drink more than a couple of drinks and even then it has to be within the first hour after arriving to the party. I'll find a good chart and I'll try to leave a good safe zone - If I should be sober according to the chart, I'll still try to wait a little longer.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, there's an urban legend that in Italy women fill baby bottles with diluted wine to kep them calm and happy. And in England, pregnant women are advised to drink one Guiness per day for B-vitamins. And a book from Sweden advises breastfeeding women to drink plenty of water, juice and beer to keep well hydrated. So perhaps the No-Alcohol rule just plays with young mother's nerves too much. Maybe things are not as horrible as the rule-makers want us to believe. I won't experiment at the cost of my daughter's health, but I refuse to accept that limited alcohol consumption makes the woman a bad and immature mother who hasn't set their priorities "right".
I'm really glad that you want to continue living and partying. And that you can. It's not a small thing, that possibility of actually going out. It's not only the morals of alcohol and parties that alienates young mothers. A big part of it is that there just isn't anyone who would watch the baby. In our day, grandparents are way too young, they're busy themselves and quite often live far away. So it's not uncommon at all for a person to get trapped in a way. Like I did. Nobody to watch the kiddo and give me even a little bit of a break now and then which resulted in no social life at all. Single young people with no kids aren't interested in visiting someone who obviously hasn't slept for 4 months in a row, smells like milk and has a yelling attachment :P Okay well not that bad but you know, the only people who communicated with me were you guys. And that out of sheer courtesy I'm sure :P
ReplyDeleteWell anyway there are a lot of "moral" stuff that you will run into with your kid. In the end, I think the most important thing is that you feel you're doing the right thing. Yes it is disturbing when everyone gives you the stink-eye but your child is raised by you, not by them. And she won't grow a third ear and have a fetish for potted plants when she grows up just because her mom likes to still have a life :)
:) actually I liked the fried potatoes. It was always nice to come visit you or to babysit your daughter because you often served fried potatoes with mayo and it was delicious. :D okay, we both know it wasn't only for food, but it played a part in my boring-simple-menu student year.
ReplyDeleteAnd I can so relate with "everything smells like milk"!!!
Haha yes true that. I think we only ate fried potatoes. Oh wait, there were instant noodles as well! :P Healthy diet indeed.
ReplyDeleteYou really kept me sane through the first year. With all that was going on then. Even though we don't see quite as often as people who call themselves friends do, I still consider you two one of the best people I've ever met. Yes, well, okay hand me the napkins now :D