In The Hospital

This post is my recollection of labour - from when I went to the hospital to when I held the baby in my hand. I'm afraid it's quite a long post but so far many people have asked me about labour and I just can not give them a short reply about how it went. I usually prefer not to write too long posts (who's gonna read them, right?) but this time I won't make much effort to make it brief and casual. This topic deserves a longer post. Some parts are Too Much Information depending how much you really want to know.

I last wrote when I was going to the hospital with broken waters on Friday evening. When I went there with Erkki, I thought they would give me my own room and that my labour would start in no time. It was quite disappointing to find out I'll be sharing my room with another woman. She was very friendly and nice but it made me a bit paranoid to be in the same room with a woman who was receiving treatment for an infection after her water had broken way too early.

It soon became obvious that I will not give birth on Friday night. I was only 1 cm dilated. Erkki went home and I had a fairly bad night's sleep with some abdominal cramping. They didn't give me any dinner whatsoever but fortunately I had suspected as much and brought a big lunchbox full of home-made pasta bolognese. Still I woke up at 5 a.m. thinking I could use a nice breakfast right about now. Three hours later a lady walked in with food and said I would be given different breakfast because I arrived to late (6 p.m. is late?) and she gave me a sad small bowl of milk-manna soup and one dry slice of bread. She offered my room-mate a glass of milk or tea so I said, "I also want milk." to which she snapped, "You don't get any!". The breakfast was so ridiculous I actually laughed - and then waited for Erkki to wake up so he can bring me FOOD.

Erkki arrived near lunch-time on Saturday and kept me company until the doctor came to see me. I was still only 1 cm dilated. Not much progress for an entire night of cramping, right? Actually those "pains" didn't really count as contractions so no wonder. Actually breaking of waters is one way to induce labour because amniotic fluid ripens the cervix and brings on contractions. Now it was 28 hours since my water had broken and my body JUST DID NOT GET THE HINT! The doctor gave me two choices - wait another 24 hours and then induce or induce labour immediately. Induction itself might take some time and the baby gets quite uncomfortable when the amount of amniotic fluid drops too low. Plus there's the risk of infection. I really felt my body wasn't going to start labour any time soon so I decided we should induce as soon as possible.

I thought I had read about all the modern ways doctors use to induce labour. But they used a pill I hadn't even heard of. A tiny pill every 4 hours, three pills in total. Many women only need one or two pills and then they get contractions. Two hours after my first pill I started to feel some minor contractions. I was walking back and fourth in the corridor because I knew staying upright makes labour faster. Erkki was reading out-loud cool paragraphs from family-oriented magazines in the TV room so we'd have something to talk about.

I was feeling tired, somewhat uncomfortable and otherwise very well until I was started on penicillin to avoid infection. I think I would have been okay with a few syringe marks in my arm, but I definitely didn't expect a cannula (Est. kanüül) smack on the back of my right hand! I tried to explain it will get in the way, I tried to make a case for pills, I tried to tell them I wouldn't be able to even wash my hands - how can I give birth with rubber tube inside my hand?! I tried but they just laughed it off and said I was being silly. I returned in my room and couldn't open the door with my right hand. I sat on the bed using my left hand as support. I tried to push a hair off my face with my right hand index finger but just trying to move any finger gave me a really awful chilling sensation of a rubber tube scraping the UNDERNEATH of my skin. I was really unhappy. Just a detail for some, and usually I'm very tolerant with cannulas (it's not my first one), but right there and then it was the end of the world and I couldn't stop bitching about it. I no longer looked nurses in the eye when they talked with me. The cannula against my will made me feel so broken and mistreated. "So that's why home birth is so popular", I thought.

A lot of time passed. The contractions grew stronger with the second pill and eventually they even made me cringe because they felt quite uncomfortable. The sensation is very similar to menstrual pain. I thought it's like 9 months of menstrual cramping all in one day. It's nothing to scream or cry about, just strong enough to make you consider taking ibuprofen to feel more comfortable. But for me, all those early contractions combined felt less bothersome than the sensation of the cannula. I was determined it has to go!

Contractions were irregular which is a bad sign because they have to become regular for it to be true labour. My body was just preparing and it was simply reacting to the induction pills. However, so many hours had passed that visiting time was ending. I knew I had to be moved to birth room, otherwise Erkki would be kicked out and I would spend another lonely night there. In the worst case scenario he would be kicked out and they wouldn't remove the cannula before labour starts.

At 8 p.m. the doctor made sure what the situation is. I had been hours of uncomfortable contractions so I must be 3 or 4 cm dilated. But I wasn't! After the entire day of contractions I had gone from 1 cm to 2 cm. The doctor said I can't be moved to the labour room and my husband will have to go home. I was going to have a night of contractions all alone in a room where another person is watching boring low-quality TV-shows. All I have for relief during contractions is a really uncomfortable uneven bed and a bathroom. OK, that's really bad. But at least I need to get rid of the cannula! The doctor said there was no way that's going to happen. Digestion stops during labour so pills are out of the question and getting shots so often is also out of the question. "But I can't... No, I don't want it here..." And she snapped at me, "Stop whining, you're a grown person!" and sent me back to my room.

I don't know if it was the stress of labour not being fast enough or that I hadn't had my regular 3 good meals per day. Or maybe it was because I hadn't slept enough. But the moment I entered my room I started to cry hysterically. I just couldn't calm down. Everything was wrong. No good news in sight. Erkki overstayed visiting hours, but was eventually forced to leave me there distressed and sad as never before. My eyes were really red so my mood wasn't really a secret to anyone who even glanced at me.

Later the same doctor saw me again and asked me what was wrong. She was calm and fairly pleasant and told me it's actually very good for a first labour to happen at this pace. The first phase of labour is often very slow and my progress is close to what she'd expect from people who have given birth before. It's definitely nothing to worry about. And I told her I do realize it's mostly psychological that the cannula bothers me so much. Makes me feel like a patient and limits the use of my hand, therefore making me feel less able to help myself with anything. And labour should be the time when I feel in control of my body - at least on some level. She wasn't strict about it anymore and assured me I'd forget about it during labour. The short conversation made me much more positive.

At midnight another doctor came to see me and said I was a little over 2 cm dilated. Their protocol states that I must be 3 cm dilated to be moved to labour room, but she decided to move me there anyway because otherwise I would just keep my room-mate awake and she needs sleep to be well.

Labour room was nice - it was about 20 square meters in size and had a huge bath, a bed, two large gymnastic balls, a beanbag chair, an armchair, gymnastic mat, sink, bathroom with shower, and lots of cupboards with medical stuff. I was immediately happy to be there because it offered so many options to relieve contractions. My contractions were then monitored and they had grown quite intense but still quite erratic. The longer the pause, the stronger I felt the contraction. Only now did I feel that it started to look like labours on TV.

At 1 a.m. a midwife came to see me and told me to try to sleep to gather my strength and said I'll be inspected later. I called Erkki and told him I'll call him when I'm 5-6 cm dilated. He should get some sleep so at least one of us has energy. Well, that midwife sure had an odd sense of the word "later" because NO ONE CAME! I was there trying to fall asleep, but the contractions got too strong and woke me up every 2-4 minutes. And they were the strongest when I was lying in bed, so after an hour I stopped torturing myself. I starting pacing back and fourth in the room - this made contractions easier. Then I sat on a gymnastic ball and swung myself back and fourth with each breath during contractions - this was a HUGE relief. It was so effective that it seemed only this is enough to reduce a very strong contraction into uncomfortable menstrual pain feeling.

Then it was 2 a.m. and then 3 a.m. and then 4 a.m. ... I kept looking at the clock wondering when I will be inspected! I need to know I'm more dilated than before! I looked for ways to get someone to see me - there was no phone in the room. I went to the corridor but saw no one there. By the time I was close enough to see the nurse's desk, I got another contraction and somehow had to stumble back into my room. And then I repeated the process twice.

By 5 a.m. the contractions were so strong that I called Erkki to come to the hospital so I wouldn't have to be alone. Every sound I heard made me hopeful that Erkki has arrived, but then it was 6 o'clock and he still wasn't there. I saw a nurse! She said she'd send someone in my room. I called Erkki again - as it turned out, he had accidentally fallen asleep and then woken up and was very quickly putting on pants. And then it took him only 10 minutes to arrive! Yay! And doctors still hadn't come to see me! Ridiculous!

Erkki's presence was SO MUCH HELP. Contractions felt like low back pain so he applied warm pressure to my back (with palms, later with a warm pillow and even later with a warming bag) and I felt much better. He also kept me company and was so sweet. I felt better the moment he walked in and because he had had some sleep he had the energy to help me in any way I needed. When a contraction started, he practically ran to my aid.

FINALLY a midwife arrived! About bloody time! He checked my contractions - STILL NOT REGULAR. OH MY GOD!!!! When contractions were happening every 3 minutes, then at least every fourth was either 2 or 4 minutes apart. And then at 7 a.m. another midwife finally inspected me. Ah, whatever! It's not gonna show anything anyway... "Very good. You are 8 cm dilated." to which I replied, "what?! Are you sure?".

Now that the midwife was here and I knew I was in labour I finally got to ask - "what are my options for pain medication? ". But by now it was the end of labour so any pain medication would just slow down labour and might make the baby dizzy so it could make it harder for her to start breathing immediately. No pain medication then. I knew I didn't want epidural but I never thought I'd go all natural with this!

Contractions kept getting stronger but somehow I was living them one contraction at a time. I didn't get the feeling like I had been getting them for hours and hours already. I just knew I had a little time before the next contraction, then I knew I would have 6 long exhale breaths until the end of the contraction, then again a little time before the next contraction. But I was so unbelievably tired that my head kept involuntarily tipping to the side in between contractions. Even standing required too much energy so I sat on the gymnastic ball and pressed myself against the warming bag and pillow during contractions.

Was it painful? Well yes. But the right techniques helped a lot. And it really is only one contraction at a time so the pain is manageable. And would I do it again? Yes, but next time I'll take some pain medication.

Eventually I started getting to urge to press during contractions. They brought a birth stool because it's the easiest way to give birth and I was so tired already. Midwife told me how to press and what to do exactly, Erkki was behind me and I was leaning on him. That's it - a little more and I can GO TO SLEEP! Well, holding the baby will be nice - and sleeping will be soooooooooo goooooooood. I felt the baby move down and I knew it was so close to being born.

Now this was the most unexpected part of labour - I always thought labour would feel natural and automatic. But feeling something huge crushing its way though somewhere inside me and then me pressing it out despite the pain and the knowledge that pressing causes the pain to increase... There was nothing natural about that! But I got energy from knowing it's the final stretch and the more I ignore the pain the faster it will go away. My pressing phase was very effective for a first time birth.

And when I thought I still had some pressing to do and the excitement only grew, the midwife suddenly cheered, "I've got the baby!" and a small sobbing creature was put in a towel and on my chest. It was so surreal. Big wide eyes looking into distance, a creature lying there motionless and confused. I was happy and exhausted and afraid to move her because I was afraid she would get hurt... She didn't cry. She made a few sounds but became extremely calm on my chest. Midwife actually walked over to check she was alive and the creature with big eyes blinked.

Then there was the placenta (didn't hurt a bit and no pressing required) and a little stitching. I fed the surreal little creature, ate a little and then fell asleep. And I felt really satisfied with everything. All's well that ends well!

The baby was born on 10:11 on Sunday morning, weighed 3382 grams and measured 50 cm. Her Apgar test score was 9 out of 10 which I'm very proud of. One point was lost because her skin looked a bit blue at the moment of birth. We named her Siiri Kadi.