If I really admit I have no energy for anything then I get nothing done. But now the situation is way past pretending.My energy level has been decreasing for some time now. Eventually I found a weird intermediate approach where I accomplished a little every day. Very little. I took it one day at a time to keep encouraging myself with small accomplishments. But I wasn't protected against any setbacks because I didn't have enough initiative or willpower to push myself to get past any problems.
So it was inevitable that the problems took too long to fix and the sense of failing simple tasks became stronger each week. Finally the driving school was the last draw. Now I find it hard not to throw my towel in the ring and say, "I've had it. I give up."I know things are exceptionally bad because I'm tense all over and I already find it hard just to stand up. Actually even my hands feel very heavy when I type. I visited my parents home on the weekend - I snapped at one brother for calling me a Fatso "playfully" (I doubt he'll dare say it again in my presence and I still don't think it was funny or playful
) and I snapped at another brother for giving stupid nicknames to my unborn child (I gave him a couple of diplomatic warnings to stop using such nicknames but when he used them again he got an angry short speech). Yesterday I spent half the day reading about the horrors of childbirth and today I'm having thoughts about how difficult it will be after I give birth and how many unavoidable tasks I will have every day. Now everything seems like the hardest task in the world. And it feels like it will never get easier. Just last week I still thought a baby could be a fun and refreshing change in my life. Now it just feels like lots of diapers and more stress. 
Being at the very last limit is almost liberating. Now have only two choices - I either give up or I start over. If I give up, I should contact my doctor and get a health certificate to stay at home. I can procrastinate all I want and I can say I'm exhausted because of the pregnancy. Maybe I am. Who knows. If I start over, I have to find new energy a.s.a.p.!
I refuse to quit! I won't do it!!! 
So, there's only one option - I have to start over and find a new rhythm and a brand new attitude.
So, there's only one option - I have to start over and find a new rhythm and a brand new attitude.
I have one weird idea of what could do the trick. Exercising. When I first started exercising my energy level almost doubled. I stopped exercising when I went to USA so there's a small chance that I ran out of energy because of that. It could just be wishful thinking but it's certainly worth a try.
So, to make a clear plan, I will write down a clear time and place of exercising after I finish this post. It might take a while for exercising to give me enough energy to end the stress. In the mean while I'll try to finish a couple of large tasks in the lab and I'll try not to fall behind on my weekly tasks
(weekly games, lecture, etc). But anyway, I feel a little more relaxed now after realizing things can't get any worse. This means things can only get better, right?
You're right about exercising - it really does fill up your energy reservoirs.
ReplyDeleteWhat about swimming? Or perhaps even Aura Terviseklubi (although hot sauna is not good unless you have had constant training, but steam sauna or aroma sauna would be quite harmless)?
And surely there are several special training possibilities for expectant moms. Well, you have to find another place anyway since avancia moved, don't you.
Actually, it could also be that the body is regaining energy or trying to take the most out of this pre-birth period :)